Imagine finding out that you're going to be a parent to twins or triplets– where could you turn for simplifying strategies and practical advice? This is the book I wish we had when we learned we'd be the lucky parents of twins– the 2nd edition of Raising Twins (with updated info and new chapters) is now on Amazon and available wherever books are sold. Click HERE for more information!

Sleep: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Proper sleep is a key component of good health, sharp minds, happy spirits, and a harmonious family. I am pleased to have served as a contributor/technical reviewer for the section on twins/multiples for Sleep: What Every Parent Needs to Know, the latest book by the American Academy of Pediatrics. This terrific resource will be available everywhere September 2013. 

Stay Connected

Parenting 4 month-old twins does not leave one with much free time. Add in other kids, work, maintaining a household, and finding time to eat/sleep/exercise properly, and not much time remains to maintain friendships let alone seek new ones. Yet maintaining those social lifelines, as well as making new connections with other parents of infant multiples, can be rejuvenating. When our twins were younger, the last thing I thought I had time for was attending my local parents of multiples club's monthly meetings- yet somehow when able to swing it, was so grateful I did. There is something instantly comforting about sitting in a room full of people who GET IT. Sharing tricks, tips and ideas, and just plain venting about the twin parenting experience can be downright soothing for your soul. If others' multiples are yours' ages, you can live through the experience together. If their kids are older, they can share some wisdom with you; if younger, you can share your experiences and what you have learned (helping you realize how quickly time is really passing, and how far you have come; ie. this too shall pass).

Speaking of social networking, I strongly suggest connecting online with your local multiples group. There are several public groups (watch for the "globe" icon which indicates anyone can read the comment), but many groups have a private forum to post questions and suggestions, making it even easier to stay connected even if unable to leave the house for a meeting. I'll be posting more content on our Facebook page at facebook.com/raisingtwins as the format easily lends itself to quick links and updates, so be sure to look for Raising Twins online. To find a local multiples group in your geographic area, check out http://www.nomotc.org/. There is a search bar to look specifically by city or zip code.

A path uniquely yours to take

My dear friend Lisa gave birth to boy-girl twins this past month, and it has been a hoot following along with her growing family's adventures. With her family, as with the families in my pediatric practice who have twins and triplets, I marvel at how each of our parenting journeys are uniquely ours to take. Well-meaning friends and family will offer you advice, which is wonderful, however you will often hear a variation of the phrase "been there, done that." Nope! No one has walked in your shoes, no one has had your specific family structure, no one has parented your unique children before you. 

Lisa is receiving advice on how to best raise her babies by anyone and everyone. Sometimes the advice is solicited, and sometimes, not. (Take a walk with a hugely pregnant belly- trust us, there is no better way to attract the attention and comments from people passing by.) I visited Lisa in the hospital, and her nurse came in to check vitals and told her, "You know you HAVE to feed the babies 30 minutes apart, right?" Lisa, aware that I am a big fan of feeding infant twins simultaneously, smiled and said "OK, thanks!" But here's the deal: although others may have parented themselves, although others may have raised twins or triplets, their experience is not your experience. Listen to the advice and well-wishes of others, but know you will find your own path. Some twins are born first to a family. Some triplets are born 3rd, 4th, and 5th to a family with 2 older kids. Some of us have local family members able and willing to help, others do not. Each family's needs will be different, and each situation and circumstance will impact how you handle infant feeding schedules, bedtime routines, naps, and more. 

Our kids themselves are individuals. Your neighbor's method for soothing her infant's colic may not work for your child. Some babies love swings, others, not so much. You only know until you try it out. This is a great reason to borrow others' infant equipment; when ours were babies, we borrowed a swing- thank goodness, because none of our 4 kids were a fan of it- no money wasted.

Listen to other's advice and feel free to tinker and experiment to see if their strategies will work for you, but ultimately each child, and each family, has individual needs. When offered advice from others, smile gratefully and store it in your mental notebook; use it if it sounds like it's worth a try. Have faith in your abilities and remember that you know your children better than anyone on this planet. Once you've ensured your children's health and safety, sometimes a certain degree of flexibility, with a dash of trial-and-error, is needed before determining how to best tackle the current parenting stage or challenge.

In Defense of Fathers

Consider this my "shout-out" to all you hands-on, involved dads.

New Year, New Adventures

Happy New Year everyone- a happy and healthy 2012 for all!

New Year's Day is a good time to reflect on the passage of time, and plan for the future. As you well know, life with twins or triplets moves very quickly. I have now been a parent of twins for over 8 years (and a mom to four for almost 6 years), and have spent the past several New Year's marveling at how rapidly the calendar pages turn when you are busy raising a crew of small children. (For some ideas to share the concept of New Year's resolutions with your kids, click here.)

Our family spent the early evening of New Year's Eve last night watching old family home videos- including that of our fourth's 1st birthday. Our then 3 year-old twins and almost 5 year-old helped her understand the concept of opening wrapped presents, and all four squealed with excitement when a Fisher Price farm was revealed. We've come so far since those days, and in two minutes they'll be graduating from high school. As your family can relate, the days and weeks can be a hectic blur of activity. One of my yearly resolutions is to make an effort to pause and enjoy the present moment for what it is. The only consistency in life is change, and before you know it your family will have evolved once again.

At the start of the new year, I'd also like to take a moment to thank both the multiples and medical communities for embracing and spreading the word about my book, Raising Twins. New parents of twins and triplets need all the support, tips, and encouragement possible, and while no single book is "one size fits all," the goal has always been to provide food for thought to handle the myriad issues involved with raising multiples. Just as every child is unique, and what works for one kid may not work for another, all families are distinct. Each family will create their own rulebook, and no two will look the same. My goal throughout this project and blog has been to empower parents of multiples to gather information and advice, use common sense, speak with your pediatrician, and see what works best for your family. Thank you and have a great year!

**The photo above is of my kindergartener's 2012 Snoopy calendar's January page. Somehow the image of Snoopy helping Woodstock and friends up a mountain seemed appropriate.

New parenting resources for the "smartphone era" (Part 2 of 2)

We busy parents of multiples need all the help we can get! In this spirit I present to you the 2nd post in a 2-part update of new parenting resources that take advantage of current technology.

HealthyChildren.org is the official parenting website of the American Academy of Pediatrics. If your child has a mild illness or minor injury, the website's KidsDoc Symptom Checker tool can help you decide what level of care is needed, and how to provide symptom relief for minor issues you can manage on your own. A KidsDoc Symptom Checker app is available for smartphones as well. Remember that no website or app can replace the medical care and advice of your health care provider– always address specific questions about your child’s health with your pediatrician, and in an emergency situation, call 911 immediately. For those situations in which you are unsure if you should call your doctor or not, the Symptom Checker is a useful tool to help you make an appropriate decision for your child.

New parenting resources for the "smartphone era" (Part 1 of 2)

Technology marches forward, and with the popularity of social networking and smartphone "apps" come new parenting resources that can help keep your kids healthy and well-cared for. This week I'll be posting information on two relatively new resources with time-tested reliable advice with feedback from, and the support of, the American Academy of Pediatrics.

"Text4baby" is a free mobile service designed to provide pregnant women and new parents information on maintaining healthy pregnancies and babies, provided by the National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition. Parents can sign up for the service by texting BABY (or BEBE for Spanish) to 511411 to receive 3 free SMS text messages each week, timed to their due date or baby’s date of birth. A helpful way to get reliable advice while on the go. Check out their website at text4baby.org, their Facebook page, or the video below for more information.

Preserve Your Emotional Health

If you are a parent of twins or triplets, you probably won’t be surprised by the results of a study published in the April 2009 issue of Pediatrics: “Multiple Births Are a Risk Factor for Postpartum Maternal Depressive Symptoms.” This article strikes a personal chord for me, stating, “Undergoing a high-risk pregnancy and delivering multiple births are stressful life events, and the unique demands of parenting multiple infants can result in high levels of parental stress, fatigue, and social isolation.” Looking back at my twins’ early months, housebound by the needs of twin babies plus a 1 year-old, I would agree with this statement!

The study results, while not surprising, are of vital importance. With this study, families and health care providers can anticipate and understand the relationship between multiple births and stress. Knowing that the odds of depression are greater, families can enter the world of multiples with their eyes open, ready to be proactive with some prevention strategies.

In the hectic early months with twins or triplets, prioritize what is most important, and streamline elsewhere– you can’t do it all. Are each of your kids safe, fed, and loved? If yes, then declare the day a success– the other stuff can slide for now.

Be specific in how you ask for support. Instead of vaguely hinting, ask your spouse directly for what you need; for example, “Please change the babies’ diapers.” Necessary tasks that may seem apparent to you may not be clear to others– don’t expect your partner to read your mind.

Good communication between Mom and Dad is key, as is utilizing your wider support circle. Friends lend an ear so you can vent, and relatives with older kids remind you that your kids’ current stage will soon pass. Join your area’s Mothers of Twins club; these parents truly understand what you’re going through. Also look to your place of worship and to your pediatrician; she or he wants to know how you are faring, since your babies’ growth and development are intricately related to the family dynamic.

Every parent is different. Some parents’ outlook may improve with day-to-day logistical help or talking with loved ones, but others may need counseling and further assistance to get on the right track. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. Be the proverbial squeaky wheel, and reach out for support.