Twins and Friends' Birthday Parties

My twins are eagerly anticipating a pal’s birthday party coming up in a couple days.  Both boys are invited, which doesn’t always happen.  Our boys are in two separate classes in school, and usually a classmate will invite just the boy who is in the same class– this is a good thing.  Attending a friend’s party without one’s twin is a great learning opportunity.

Starting as early as the preschool years, social experiences independent of one’s twin will help each child gain confidence as an individual.  My twins are identical, and often in social situations where both boys are present, a lot of time is spent answering the question, “Which one are you?”  I have observed that when one boy has a chance to play with friends ‘on his own,’ more time is spent in meaningful interaction, rather than clarifying his identity.

If one of your twins tends to be shy without the nearby presence of her twin, the experience can be especially beneficial to her emotional maturity.  Preschool parties are usually just a couple of hours, anyway– a brief and fun way to practice being on one’s own.

I have heard of instances where, if only one twin is invited to a party, the parents ask if they can bring along the co-twin as well.  I recommend against this practice.  Yes, it requires more effort to arrange for trustworthy childcare for your other kid(s), but it is well worth the effort for your invited child to have the party experience solo.

Are you concerned that your other twin will get jealous?  Kids are resilient, and the experiences will even out over time.  Matter-of-factly explain, "Today it is John's turn to go to a party– soon it will be Joseph's turn."  Kids follow their parents' emotional cues; if you are calm and matter-of-fact about the situation, your children will be as well.  Plus, a little planning will provide the non-partying twin with special time as well (such as a trip to a playground, for example)– a win-win situation for everybody.