Celebrate Each Twin's Accomplishments on an Individual Basis

Believe it or not, the summer swimming season is rapidly approaching! Our four kids are preparing with swimming lessons at our local high school pool. These lessons are a great opportunity for kids to gain confidence in the water and improve their skills. [Even with formal swimming lessons, though, parents should not have a false sense of security when children swim; close adult supervision is always a must. For an excellent review of family water safety, go here; under the heading “Family and Community Resources” click on “What is the best way to keep my child safe around swimming pools?”]

Our swim program has a system of small groups organized by individual swimming ability, and our identical twins, not surprisingly, have been in the same ability level lately. Yesterday, however, one of the boys advanced to the next level before his twin brother did. When one of the staff members let me know, she jokingly added, “Is his twin going to be OK with that?”

Her joke brings to light the never-ending comparisons made between twin siblings. As parents, it is a challenge to not feel a twinge of worry whenever one of our twins makes an accomplishment before the other. Let go of the worry, and when one of your twins achieves a milestone, celebrate that child’s success! In families with children of different ages, it is to be expected that the older kids will ride a bike without training wheels, tie their shoelaces, and learn to read independently before the younger ones. Even if our kids share a birthday, we need to know that these milestones will rarely occur on the same day for both children.

Each child is an individual, and there is a wide range of normal development. A child’s identity should not be solely defined by the fact that he or she is a twin, and her successes should not always be compared to those of her twin. Are you concerned that the other twin will feel left behind? Over time, each child will exhibit particular strengths, and you can remind her of her own successes.

As your children grow, each twin will develop their own unique talents and strengths, and each will each have their moment to shine! So relax, and when one of your twins learns the backstroke before the other, celebrate!