Keeping Your Cool, in the Heat of the Moment

This week, I was honored to share a presentation about discipline for multiples with a wonderful group of parents, the Southwest Suburban Moms of Multiples.  We all agreed that it is quite a challenge to keep a cool head when your children misbehave.  Handling two or more young kids at the same age can test the patience of a saint.  It is crucial for parents to stay calm in the heat of a 'discipline moment' for many reasons, a significant reason being that kids learn how to handle stressful situations by observing how their parents handle such situations.

One tip to preserve your emotional health as a parent [especially when your twins are toddlers and your patience is being tested day-in, day-out] is to take a refresher course on your kids' age group[s] developmental milestones and characteristics.  Families can find some comfort knowing that it is age-appropriate for older babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers to "test limits."  Toddlers' temper tantrums are also age-appropriate, unfortunately––resulting when your 2-year-old realizes that she has her own ideas about the world, and that she is, in fact, an individual, a separate person from her parents and her co-twin.  Throughout your twins' early years, your kids are continually trying to figure out what their boundaries are––it is a function of how children operate, and is not a conscious, deliberate attempt to drive you insane!  As frustrating as the tough days can be, it is our job as parents to consistently and rationally illustrate appropriate boundaries to our kids.  [A quick reference of developmental milestones for toddlers can be found here, and for preschoolers, here.]

How can you model reasoned, rational behavior to your kids when you have reached your capacity for patience?  Counting to ten and "going to your happy place" may not be enough to keep a parent of twins calm [trust me, I know!].  During my presentation this week, I shared some calming tricks that I've picked up from various sources over the years, which gave us all a good laugh.  These odd but effective ideas include imagining an audience in the room with you [or security cameras, or the camera crew from a reality TV show] watching you as you handle a tough situation, or alternatively, pretending your toddler twins are from another country, and you're teaching them the ways of your land.  Silly ideas, I know, but sometimes, fresh ideas are just what parents need to "keep their cool" and handle a situation objectively, properly, and without anger.