Each Child Has Her or His Own "Day in the Sun"

Do you sometimes worry that your twins get too much attention, leaving their younger sibling on the sidelines?  Or are you like my good friend, who worries that her toddler twin boys are 'neglected' due to their older sister's busy schedule of school and activities?

When two or more children are involved, well-intentioned parents do their best to maintain a fair family dynamic by providing equal amounts of love and attention to each of their kids.  These efforts can be fraught with guilt, however, as it is impossible to provide exactly equal amounts of interaction with three, four, or more children.  Life is just so variable––how could your attention be spread exactly equally?  One week, Kid #1 is sick; another week, Kid #2 has a school play; then the following month, Kid #3's best friend moves out of state.  I often find myself fretting if I have not had enough 'special time' with one of my four kids, even if there are very good reasons that some kids needed 'more' of me during a given week.

Having twins or triplets in a family can intensify the issue of relationships.  By their very nature, multiples are a rare, special occurrence, and they are fascinating as well as time-consuming!  I have friends who happened to grow up as a single-born sibling of twins––they warned me, when I was pregnant with my twins, to not 'forget' my oldest son!  These warnings intensify my feelings of guilt during those hectic weeks when some of my kids get more attention than the others.

I think the best strategy for a healthy family dynamic [and fret-free parents] is to focus on fairness over the long haul.  There will be some days, weeks, and even months where one of your kids will need you more than your other[s].  And that is okay!  In the long run, it will all even out, and each child will have his or her own "day in the sun."

And always remember that each of your twins is an individual.  It is fun to celebrate the special status of twins, but keep a healthy family dynamic by treating each child, twins or not, as if they were a single-born child.