My dear friend Lisa gave birth to boy-girl twins this past month, and it has been a hoot following along with her growing family's adventures. With her family, as with the families in my pediatric practice who have twins and triplets, I marvel at how each of our parenting journeys are uniquely ours to take. Well-meaning friends and family will offer you advice, which is wonderful, however you will often hear a variation of the phrase "been there, done that." Nope! No one has walked in your shoes, no one has had your specific family structure, no one has parented your unique children before you.
Lisa is receiving advice on how to best raise her babies by anyone and everyone. Sometimes the advice is solicited, and sometimes, not. (Take a walk with a hugely pregnant belly- trust us, there is no better way to attract the attention and comments from people passing by.) I visited Lisa in the hospital, and her nurse came in to check vitals and told her, "You know you HAVE to feed the babies 30 minutes apart, right?" Lisa, aware that I am a big fan of feeding infant twins simultaneously, smiled and said "OK, thanks!" But here's the deal: although others may have parented themselves, although others may have raised twins or triplets, their experience is not your experience. Listen to the advice and well-wishes of others, but know you will find your own path. Some twins are born first to a family. Some triplets are born 3rd, 4th, and 5th to a family with 2 older kids. Some of us have local family members able and willing to help, others do not. Each family's needs will be different, and each situation and circumstance will impact how you handle infant feeding schedules, bedtime routines, naps, and more.
Our kids themselves are individuals. Your neighbor's method for soothing her infant's colic may not work for your child. Some babies love swings, others, not so much. You only know until you try it out. This is a great reason to borrow others' infant equipment; when ours were babies, we borrowed a swing- thank goodness, because none of our 4 kids were a fan of it- no money wasted.
Listen to other's advice and feel free to tinker and experiment to see if their strategies will work for you, but ultimately each child, and each family, has individual needs. When offered advice from others, smile gratefully and store it in your mental notebook; use it if it sounds like it's worth a try. Have faith in your abilities and remember that you know your children better than anyone on this planet. Once you've ensured your children's health and safety, sometimes a certain degree of flexibility, with a dash of trial-and-error, is needed before determining how to best tackle the current parenting stage or challenge.
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