A Pediatrician Mom of Twins

New Year, New Adventures

2012-01-01T10:59:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year everyone- a happy and healthy 2012 for all!

New Year's Day is a good time to reflect on the passage of time, and plan for the future. As you well know, life with twins or triplets moves very quickly. I have now been a parent of twins for over 8 years (and a mom to four for almost 6 years), and have spent the past several New Year's marveling at how rapidly the calendar pages turn when you are busy raising a crew of small children. (For some ideas to share the concept of New Year's resolutions with your kids, click here.)

Our family spent the early evening of New Year's Eve last night watching old family home videos- including that of our fourth's 1st birthday. Our then 3 year-old twins and almost 5 year-old helped her understand the concept of opening wrapped presents, and all four squealed with excitement when a Fisher Price farm was revealed. We've come so far since those days, and in two minutes they'll be graduating from high school. As your family can relate, the days and weeks can be a hectic blur of activity. One of my yearly resolutions is to make an effort to pause and enjoy the present moment for what it is. The only consistency in life is change, and before you know it your family will have evolved once again.

At the start of the new year, I'd also like to take a moment to thank both the multiples and medical communities for embracing and spreading the word about my book, Raising Twins. New parents of twins and triplets need all the support, tips, and encouragement possible, and while no single book is "one size fits all," the goal has always been to provide food for thought to handle the myriad issues involved with raising multiples. Just as every child is unique, and what works for one kid may not work for another, all families are distinct. Each family will create their own rulebook, and no two will look the same. My goal throughout this project and blog has been to empower parents of multiples to gather information and advice, use common sense, speak with your pediatrician, and see what works best for your family. Thank you and have a great year!

**The photo above is of my kindergartener's 2012 Snoopy calendar's January page. Somehow the image of Snoopy helping Woodstock and friends up a mountain seemed appropriate.

Speech and Language Development- Baby Steps

2011-11-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

Your twins' or triplets' speech and language skills begin to develop, believe it or not, from day one. Long before our kids utter their first words, they are already piecing together the meaning of what we are saying to and around them. It is never too early to speak frequently and clearly to your child- an environment rich with words will help boost your children's language development. Some tips and signs to look for in infancy are detailed in this helpful article from the American Academy of Pediatrics here.

Those of us with twins or more have a slightly more hectic home environment, making it a challenge to carve out one-on-one time with each child to have meaningful mini-conversations to boost their verbal skills. Look for opportunities to present themselves; for example, you can only change one diaper at a time, so make the most of those couple minutes to "chat" with your baby one-on-one.

Even the busiest of parents can use the time with their kids to "narrate" aloud what is happening in their daily lives. You may feel a bit like a news reporter, but even mundane tasks such as preparing the morning breakfast can be a speech-boosting session: "Here is your milk. This is cereal. Isn't the banana yummy?"... and so on. Turn off the TV, turn your cellphone to vibrate and put it away, and focus on your kids. Simply being present and communicative with your children will go a long way towards boosting their future speech and cognitive skills. For further information, consult with HealthyChildren.org. In addition, my book Raising Twins has information and advice about language development in both the infancy and toddler sections.

New parenting resources for the "smartphone era" (Part 2 of 2)

2011-09-23T09:18:00.001-07:00

We busy parents of multiples need all the help we can get! In this spirit I present to you the 2nd post in a 2-part update of new parenting resources that take advantage of current technology.

HealthyChildren.org is the official parenting website of the American Academy of Pediatrics. If your child has a mild illness or minor injury, the website's KidsDoc Symptom Checker tool can help you decide what level of care is needed, and how to provide symptom relief for minor issues you can manage on your own. A KidsDoc Symptom Checker app is available for smartphones as well. Remember that no website or app can replace the medical care and advice of your health care provider– always address specific questions about your child’s health with your pediatrician, and in an emergency situation, call 911 immediately. For those situations in which you are unsure if you should call your doctor or not, the Symptom Checker is a useful tool to help you make an appropriate decision for your child.

New parenting resources for the "smartphone era" (Part 1 of 2)

2011-09-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

Technology marches forward, and with the popularity of social networking and smartphone "apps" come new parenting resources that can help keep your kids healthy and well-cared for. This week I'll be posting information on two relatively new resources with time-tested reliable advice with feedback from, and the support of, the American Academy of Pediatrics.

"Text4baby" is a free mobile service designed to provide pregnant women and new parents information on maintaining healthy pregnancies and babies, provided by the National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition. Parents can sign up for the service by texting BABY (or BEBE for Spanish) to 511411 to receive 3 free SMS text messages each week, timed to their due date or baby’s date of birth. A helpful way to get reliable advice while on the go. Check out their website at text4baby.org, their Facebook page, or the video below for more information.

The Shared Bedroom

2011-07-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

Our identical twin boys have divergent tastes and are growing quickly, but need to share a bedroom due to space constraints in our home. Issues to consider:

-Each child deserves protected, special space for his treasured objects and to express his individual personality

-Each child needs some degree of privacy

-Kids' interests change quite rapidly- choo-choo train decor may quickly be outdated with new fascinations

-The "stuff" of two kids takes up twice the space- the clutter can easily become a mess.

If you opt for loft or bunk beds for your school-age multiples, make sure your kids are developmentally ready for them (click here for safety tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics). Clean, simple bookshelves are a great showcase for more than a reading collection. Select 2 narrow bookshelves to conserve space, and designate one to each child to display her own treasured objects, special crafts and creations, souvenirs from a trip, or whatever she is into that month. Furniture shopping in brick-and-mortar stores is time-consuming (and always an adventure with kids in tow) so instead browse the internet for affordable strategies to contain the clutter and carve out unique spaces for each child.

Brainstorm together with your kids for decor that will be appropriate for longer than one year's duration. I found affordable laminated world and U.S. maps that not only look nice on a wall, but come in handy when your kids want to know where Peru and Transylvania are.

**Pictured above: Jimmy and Igloo, my boys' trusted bedtime cuddle companions

More Multitasking for Multiples

2011-05-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

If your home is anything like ours, you have a lot of little people eating a lot of food, and a lot of little people who, over time, are fine-tuning their reading and writing skills. Today's post is a simple tip to boost literacy and at the same time make sure your fridge and pantry stay well-stocked.

Keep pads of paper and pencils/washable crayons in a central location of your home. Whenever any member of the family (grownup OR child) notices that you're running out of milk, bread, or even toilet paper, encourage them to go ahead and put it on the shopping list. Younger kids can even draw a picture of the item, or get spelling help from a grownup or older sibling. Pictured above is my 5 year-old who uses the spelling of the almost-empty bag to add dried cranberries to the list. Practicing the Real World skill of writing items on a shopping list is just plain fun for a preschooler, and they don't realize they're gaining valuable literacy practice at the same time.

If kids are encouraged to add to the shopping list on a regular basis, it will become a habit– you'll be instilling good responsibility, teaching each child to contribute to the household. Just don't be surprised if you walk by the list one day and see a child's scrawled "chocolate" or other such kid-endorsed "necessity" appear on your shopping list.

Take a break for a fresh perspective

2011-02-01T08:11:00.001-08:00

Georges Seurat’s “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte” is one of the Art Institute of Chicago’s better-known pieces. It was featured in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and was the inspiration for Stephen Sondheim’s “Sunday in the Park with George.” It uses the technique of pointillism– up close to the canvas you can see individual dots of color, but from a distance the scene of people enjoying a park unfolds.

When faced with parenting challenges, how many times do we find ourselves standing too close to the canvas, unable to see the bigger view? Every child is different, and our initial strategies to help our kids navigate developmental milestones may be hitting a brick wall. If we remember to step back and observe the scene as a whole, we can refresh our perspective. By re-establishing our priorities and goals and “re-booting” our parenting energies, we’ll be able to see the forest for the trees.

How to re-boot? Parents need to take personal breaks to maintain sanity and nurture who we are as people. Moms and Dads should ensure that they have an outlet, an activity or hobby unrelated to parenthood or their careers that nourishes the inner spirit and rejuvenates them for engaging and caring for children. Look at a typical week’s schedule and see where your personal protected time can be squeezed in. Even the busiest of us can use creativity to unearth 30 minutes, 3 times a week for this purpose. Enlist the help of your spouse, family, friends, or sitters to make it happen. Also consider waking up earlier than the family, or utilize the magical time between the kids’ bedtime and your bedtime. Meeting our own needs helps us properly care for others, just as when an airplane’s cabin pressure drops and passengers are instructed to put their own oxygen mask in place before helping their children.

As for the activity, it’s yours to decide. For me, running has become my mental refuge since the birth of our 4th child; even a 20-minute run has great benefits squeezed into a short amount of time, perfect for our hectic family schedule. My husband and I work together to “cover” for one another, protecting each other’s time on a weekly basis. Whether you exercise, are an avid photographer, scrapbooker, gardener, or love to experiment in the kitchen with new recipes, make an effort to set aside time each week to pursue your passions. Your family will be rewarded with a refreshed parent who has the “big picture” in mind.

A "Double Feature"

2010-12-11T13:52:00.000-08:00

The print version of the December/January 2011 Scholastic Parent and Child magazine has a cover story about raising twins. It includes adapted excerpts from our book, Raising Twins, from Pregnancy to Preschool, as well as Q & A with author Shelly Flais, MD. Kudos to Scholastic for supporting families with multiples!

A preschooler and a potty- warning: poop references ahead

2010-11-16T09:51:00.001-08:00

As children grow, there are many sweet or funny moments that make parents wish for a “pause” button to enjoy their children at that fleeting stage of life. And there are other milestones that we’d like to “fast-forward” through… which brings me to today’s topic: toilet-training. I have a dear friend who is understandably stressed about the issue. She has wonderful 3 1/2 year-old triplets; while 2 of her kids are happily and successfully using the potty, her remaining daughter, despite prior successes, has been refusing the potty in a classic display of 3 year-old power.

Toilet-training is a huge subject to which entire books are devoted. Consider today’s post a drop in the ocean (or toilet, as it were) of the large, encompassing subject matter. For further information on the basics, such as when and how to begin, you can check out American Academy of Pediatrics advice here. In addition, my book Raising Twins, has a section of the toddler chapter devoted to toilet-training multiples. Today’s blog post is focused on the so-called “late trainer.” (I’m not a big fan of the term “late,” as often both the child and parents can be embarrassed and frustrated– I believe the label only makes matters more stressful for families, which doesn’t help anyone.) Regardless of the term used, know that toilet-training is a whole different ballgame once a child is over the age of 3 years.

3 year-old kids are smart, have a better sense of how the world works, and continue to realize that their actions have an impact on their caregivers and environment. 24 month-old kids are no strangers to the concept of power struggles, but it is quite different to deal with a 3 1/2 year-old’s efforts to assert her independence and control over her own body. As always, every child is different, and you know your kids best. If you have specific concerns about your child, or are worried about underlying problems, consult with your pediatrician.

A special note for parents of twins or triplets: all too often, toilet-training advice found in books and parenting magazines can be geared towards situations where a caregiver and child are one-on-one in some sort of magical bubble with no interference from the real world, family and work schedules, or even siblings. Most of us live in homes full of little people and action. For any family, but especially when training twins or triplets, there are many factors at play that can have a big impact on the progress of training. So, parents of multiples, cut yourself some slack. And remember that the age at which toilet-training is achieved has no bearing on a child’s intelligence or future success. There also seem to be many different definitions among parents of what it means to be “toilet-trained” so don’t get stressed if you share notes with your neighbors. True toilet success is not caregiver-driven; it is achieved when a child pees and poops on the potty without reminders from Mom or Dad.

Ultimately, a 3 year-old child is in control of her own body, and she needs to be the one making the decision to toilet properly– she cannot be forced (the phrase “you can lead a horse to water…” comes to mind). There is no quick, overnight fix– toilet-training is a process. But parents of 3 year-olds should remove the use of disposable pull-ups during daytime hours. Many mistakenly think of pull-ups as “training pants,” however let’s be honest: they are simply a disposable absorbent diaper in pull-up form. And too often, they prolong the course of a child’s learning to use the toilet because they are an “out”– the child doesn’t need to run to the toilet when he feels the natural sensations to pee or poop, he can simply do the deed in the convenience of the pull-up he is already wearing. (That being said, a pull-up for overnight sleep, until nighttime dryness is consistent, is perfectly fine.)

The ultimate goal is for your child to wear clean, dry underwear. To reach that goal, your child needs practice wearing actual cotton underwear in increasing stretches of time over the course of a day, and will learn what happens if they do not make it to the potty in time. Yes, this means accidents for 2 or more kids. But mistakes are a part of life and are part of the learning process. Your child should also be sitting on the toilet or potty seat at regular times each day, regardless of result (examples: 1st thing in the morning, after lunch).

Parents of twins and triplets can preserve some sanity by having systems in place to simplify cleaning up the inevitable accidents. 3 year-olds are developmentally ready to become active participants in self-care, so they can (and should) help when accidents occur. When a child is an active helper with accidents, she’ll see that peeing and pooping in the toilet is much simpler (and more rewarding with positive reinforcement) than all the cleanup. Whenever a child has an accident, caregivers should keep their “poker face” on (more on this later) and direct the child straight to the potty: "Oops, you need to pee, let's go to the potty." Even if nothing else will come out, you need to help your child make the connection that the sensation of needing to pee/poop is associated with sitting on the toilet. Keep wet wipes by the toilet to simplify cleanup, but do not flush the wipes. After sitting on the toilet for a bit, help remove the wet/soiled clothing, and have your child take the wet clothing to the laundry area herself. (To minimize stress over laundry, we used to keep a bucket in our utility sink in the laundry area to streamline the eventual laundering- place a kid-friendly stepstool in front to help your 3 year-old reach the bucket). Then, your child should be the one to get fresh underwear and clothes and put them on. Now, onto the floor: when toilet-training all 4 of our kids, we kept a huge stack of absorbable cloths handy in a cabinet in a central location of our home. The adult caregiver will perform the bulk of the “real” cleaning of the floor, wet-vac, etc. but your child should go get a couple cloths from the stack and come “help” clean the mess (meaning an honest, 3 year-old effort) and bring the dirty cloths to the laundry bucket to be dealt with later.

When you deal with the inevitable toileting accidents, you may feel quite angry and frustrated, but do your best to keep your cool. Even negative attention is attention, and when you have twins or triplets who share a caregiver most of the time, the desire for attention can complicate matters. Throughout the toilet-training process (and always), make sure each of your kids is getting plenty of one-on-one time on a weekly basis, helping them feel valued and loved, and lessening any desire for them to “act-out” in undesirable ways. Also, be mindful in your language. Many of us instinctively say, “Don’t you want to pee on the potty like a big kid?” however coaxing your child with this phrase is not always helpful. To a 3 year-old, the idea of being a big kid with all the added expectations and responsibilities may not actually sound so desirable. Your 3 year-old may think that life as a baby, with the cuddling and oodles of caregiver attention, sounds like a pretty good arrangement, thank you very much.

An additional note about pull-ups, specifically during naptime, daycare, or preschool hours: talk with your daycare providers to make sure everyone is on the same page. Preschools often ask for pull-ups during school hours, however this can complicate matters– some kids save up their daily poop for that 2 hour stretch when they know they're going to wear pull-ups. Similarly, many kids over 3 years who wear pull-ups for naps may poop specifically at nap time. Depending on your child’s age and progress, talk with your child’s caregivers at school and work together towards a plan. A 2 week winter break without travel plans would be an example of a good time to focus on wearing normal underwear for increasing stretches of time without any interruptions from a school schedule. Ultimately, map out a timeline for “raising the bar” for your child to rise to the occasion and make good progress.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the process, reach out for help. For more information on the nuts and bolts of toilet-training, when and how to begin the process, positive reinforcement, and other troubleshooting topics, please refer to my book, Raising Twins, or the AAP’s website for parents, HealthyChildren.org.

What it is like to be a twin?

2010-10-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Last month someone asked one of my twin boys, "What does it feel like being a twin?" He shrugged and responded, "Pretty normal."

I laughed at myself for finding his simple answer to be profound, but his response is reassuring when we feel a bit overwhelmed tackling situations specific to multiples. Our twins have another birthday coming up next month– you would think after all these years (they'll be 7) I'd have evolved past worrying about whether the gifts are sufficiently unique for each kid, are fairly distributed, whose turn is it to have "Happy Birthday" sung to him first, etc. Despite any fretting on their mom's part, their sibling experience is "normal" for them. So the point is: relax. Do your best to parent fairly, but remember that you cannot parent perfectly equally.

This week I ran into a friend whose triplets are now freshmen in high school. We talked about the fact that soon she'll be helping each teen log plenty of state-required supervised driving hours before obtaining a drivers' license. Uh, sounds like a few roadtrips across the country are in order! Have faith: we'll tackle it, and to our kids, the experience is their own personal version of "normal," so enjoy it and roll with it.

Another "Raising Twins" Book Award!

2010-09-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to share the news that Raising Twins, From Pregnancy to Preschool is a Merit Winner for the 2010 National Health Information Awards. (On this linked PDF, you can find us on page 9, on the right hand column.) As always, thank you for supporting families with twins or more!

Back to School– Boosting Independence

2010-08-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Happy New School Year! It's a hectic time for those of us with school-age twins or more– we have a lot of little people that need to get out the door on time each morning. I'm always looking for ways to help my kids take personal responsibility and "help themselves" with household tasks. Our twins are now in the 1st grade (sniff, sniff), improving their skills reading analog clocks, and applying that sense of "time" to their everyday lives.

The twin goals of time proficiency and the practical matter of timeliness inspired me to post a reminder by the clock in our entryway (pictured above). The project took me about 5 minutes start to finish, just right for a busy parent! I used a "How to Tell the Time" children's book that had a "clock" with moveable hands within the book. I moved the hands to the appropriate positions and made 2 separate copies to illustrate the times we get the party started each morning, so to speak.

If your home is anything like ours, you might find yourself repeating similar messages each day to a little crowd of kids. Use your imagination to tackle some of the more common themes, while boosting your kids' independence at the same time.

WGN-TV Appearance– Parenting on a Budget

2010-07-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

The healthy choice can also be the affordable choice. This week I was a guest on WGN-TV's Midday News to discuss parenting on a budget; you can view the clip here:

I prepared some notes in advance of the segment that I'd like to share with blog readers:

Each year, the USDA studies how much families are spending to raise their kids. The latest report was released June 2010, and states that the average middle-income American family spends about $220,000 to raise a child from birth to 18. That is a scary number, but that doesn't have to be your number.

The good news is that parents have the power to make healthy choices that are also budget-friendly. Every family has its own unique financial situation, but these are some tips we can all use:

· Keep it simple; a child's best "toy" is a parent. Remember that good parenting isn’t about stuff or things– a good parent provides love, safety, and security. Babies in particular need interaction with caregivers: eye contact, talking, singing, reading books. Sometimes the best toys are not toys at all– in a young child's eyes, an empty cardboard box can be a car, a plane, or limitless other creative expressions.

· Be a conscious consumer. Shop the sales and compare prices. Connect with others (in real life or via online social networking) to get the scoop on coupon deals and where the sales are. There are some savvy shoppers in my Mothers of Twins club who generously share their good tips on couponing or online restaurant gift card deals to the rest of us less-experienced folks.

When grocery shopping, shop the perimeter of the store. The center aisles are typically stocked with prepackaged, processed foods that are unhealthy and more expensive. Shopping the perimeter for simple fruits, veggies, or dairy, for example means your family will be eating more healthfully as well as saving money.

A lot of us are looking into organic foods these days, but they can be more expensive than conventionally grown foods. Families can spend their money selectively on types of produce that are more susceptible to pesticide residue (the so-called “dirty dozen”), such as peaches and apples. Conversely, bananas are a type of produce that is not as susceptible to pesticide residue, so you can save your money by buying conventionally-grown bananas, and feel good about your decision.

Along these same lines, more families are looking for natural skin care products for their kids that are free of parabens, phthalates, and formaldehyde, but typically these can be expensive as well. More interest from families is creating more options. The Safety 1^stcompany has a new Naturals skincare line– it's a good example of a safe ingredient list that is more affordable than comparable products.

Families also spend a lot on health care. If you need prescriptions, chain drugstores such as Target, Walmart, and Walgreens have various generic prescription plans that average about $4 a month.

· Be selective and buy only what you truly need. This is of special importance to new parents. Talk to other moms and dads and find out what they found most helpful, and what items they could have done without. You can borrow items or buy secondhand, making sure the items meet current safety standards. For those of us with multiples, take note: Mothers of Multiples clubs usually hold resales twice a year (and are usually open to the general public, regardless of how many kids you have!). Look to the future and repurpose items as well- instead of buying a changing table, use a dresser instead with an attached changing pad on top that can be removed later.

· Breastfeeding is both economical and healthy. This is a "win-win"- breast milk is the optimal nutrition for babies in the first year of life, and it is also affordable. Formula costs about $2000 per baby per year, depending on the type and brand. Breastmilk also contains immunologic factors that help prevent infections and illness, so you're saving money 2 ways- by not buying formula, and by not acquiring costs through illness or missed days at work.

· Avoid overscheduling. Besides saving money, kids need "free time" to play, boost creativity, problem solve, share, and socially interact with others. Camps and activities are great, but their cost adds up quick, especially for multiple children. Get creative and hold your own summer camp, and limit each child to their favorite 2 activities. Each town has comparable resources, but here in Chicago, Chicago Parent magazine lists free and low-cost family fun ideas. Look into your community park district and your public library for more free or low-cost activities.

· Cook at home as much as possible. Consider restaurant meals (including takeout) as a “once in a while” treat. Cooking at home saves money and is much healthier; restaurants meals are notorious for overly-large portions and being high in fat and salt. If both parents work outside of the home, plan ahead by prepping meals and freezing in advance, or having prepped ingredients ready to go for quick assembly at mealtime. Start a garden! You can teach kids about where their food comes from, and perhaps even nudge a "picky" eater with the temptations of vegetables grown before their very eyes.

· Focus on your family’s situation. This is a mental tip to stay focused, because so much of budgeting is psychology. Budgeting is about prioritizing and balance, and every family has their own unique situation. If you see friends or neighbors spending on a splurge, you aren't seeing where they are cutting back elsewhere to make that treat financially possible, or if they are in debt. Focus on your own situation.

· Budget-friendly vacations. Unstructured bonding time as a family is important and can be affordable. Airfare for a family adds up fast- consider destinations that are easily reached by car within a day, or be a tourist in your own town.

There is so much more to say about saving money while raising a family; feel free to share your tips in the comments below.

When One Twin has Special Needs

2010-07-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

Special Parent, published by the folks who write Chicago Parent, ran an informative article this summer about families with multiples dealing with the challenges of special needs. You can read it HERE.

The Representation of Twins in the Media

2010-06-30T08:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Summer! I wrote a guest article about the representation of twins in the media for the June newsletter of CMCH. CMCH is The Center on Media and Child Health, based at Children's Hospital Boston, Harvard Medical School, and Harvard School of Public Health. CMCH studies and responds to effects of media on the physical, mental, and social health of children. You can check the article out via their June newsletter.

Parents Magazine Q & A

2010-06-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

Check out the June 2010 issue of Parents magazine– I was fortunate to provide input on a reader question about toddler twins. You can view the online link HERE.

Tooth Fairy Season

2010-06-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

It’s summertime, and I’m soaking up every carefree moment I can with my kids. In this spirit, today’s blog post is light and easy.

Those of us parenting twins or higher-order multiples operate “in bulk”– we diaper 2 or more at a time, we toilet-train 2 or more at a time, etc. Working in bulk is often challenging, but there are times when it is just plain fun. My twins are currently losing their “baby” teeth (also known as primary, or deciduous teeth) left and right, and the Tooth Fairy is a regular visitor to our house. (Keep in mind that even though baby teeth are destined to fall out, they do require good care; read here and here for more info.)

If you’re wondering what the “going rate” per tooth is for Tooth Fairies these days, remember that your kids have 20 baby teeth each. Multiply 20 by your number of kids (it adds up fast!) to find a rate that works for your, ahem, Tooth Fairy’s budget.

Midwest Book Awards Announced!

2010-05-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to share the happy news that Raising Twins, From Pregnancy to Preschool is officially an "award-winning" book! The Midwest Book Awards was held this past week, and Raising Twins took an award in the Social Science/Parenting category. Thank you for your support, and please share the word with other families caring for multiples!

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

Click HERE to read an informative and fun article for which I was interviewed. "Expecting the unexpected of parenting multiples" was published in the Springfield, Missouri News-Leader on Mother's Day– great timing!

A Budget Friendly Summer

2010-05-06T09:02:00.001-07:00

These days, a family is considered “large” with more than 2 kids, so those of us parenting multiples as well as siblings automatically fall into this group. Day-to-day, I don’t consider our family of 6 particularly big, since it is our personal version of “normal,” however I can’t help but notice the costs adding up when we buy tickets for an event, museum visit, or airfare.

This past week we took advantage of early bird rates for a summer family membership at a nearby community pool. The school year can be hectic, so we’re looking forward to a loosely scheduled summer vacation– the pool will be a nice option for those pleasant lazy days when nothing in particular is on the calendar. Signing up, I did have a bit of initial sticker shock, but when you calculate the cost of admission for 6 for 2 or more visits, the numbers work out similarly; any subsequent visits over the year’s time are “free.” Memberships are available for your area’s museums, zoos, aquariums, and more– do the math, and you might find it’ll save your family some money too.

Another benefit of the up-front investment of a membership is that you won’t feel stressed to visit all the exhibits in a single day– you can pick and choose a few animals to visit at the zoo, for example, then see the rest during a future visit. This is particularly handy when you have toddler twins– too much action packed into one day can be over-stimulating, and a crew with young kids will need to head home for naptime at some point. Many museums have reciprocal partnerships with other cities’ attractions, so you can even take advantage of discounts if you’re hitting the road this summer.

We parents play many roles for our kids: caregiver, teacher, personal chef, etiquette instructor, medic, and more. In the summer, add “cruise director” to the list, planning outings and social meet-ups with friends. Having a couple memberships on hand means not having to think too hard for activity ideas; pack up a homemade lunch for your crew, and you’ve got an affordable, low-stress, fun, and educational activity for the day.

Raising Twins- The Facebook Page

2010-04-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the year 2010 all right– we have started a Facebook page for Raising Twins, From Pregnancy to Preschool (you can find it HERE). What's next, flying cars? All joking aside, social networking media is becoming more prominent in our lives, and can be a helpful tool for busy families with twins or more. Whether you're on bed rest due to a multiples pregnancy, or finding it difficult to get out of the house due to diaper changes and nap schedules, you can still connect with other parents for support and camaraderie with the click of a button.

Author Interview

2010-04-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

This week I had the pleasure of talking with fellow mom of multiples Shelby Tutty about my book with the American Academy of Pediatrics, Raising Twins. Shelby is the founder of a unique bookstore, Double Up Books, specializing in the needs of families with twins, triplets, and more. Multiple birth is more common today than in any prior generation, and we parents need all the help we can get! You can check out both the author interview and the bookstore HERE.

Keep it Fresh

2010-04-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

Springtime allergy season is upon us, and one of my twins woke up yesterday with itchy, puffy eyes. Figuring that dust doesn’t help matters, I walked into my twin sons’ shared bedroom to strip their beds for laundering (unfortunately I need such motivators to clean), and took pause at the sight of their cluttered, beloved shelf space for their precious things. They each have dedicated shelves to call their own, but suffice it to say that kindergarteners’ standards of what objects are worth saving are quite different from mine! Later on in the day, when we had time, the three of us cleared out the shelves so that they could be properly dusted, while taking stock of the items, thinning them out, and unearthing missing items buried under other things (missing library book, anyone?) Some of our favorite books were hiding in there, and the boys exclaimed with delight at all the “new” titles! Instead of putting the books back on a shelf, I purposely left them out in a pile, and soon had a room of kids (their little sister had wandered in) each with a nose in a book– what a beautiful sight!

Even as adults, our eyes tend to tire of things sitting in front of us every day– our kids are no different. Mix up your book collection periodically to continually stoke your kids’ interest in reading. Ever notice how public libraries put up seasonal or monthly displays of rotating titles? You can use this same idea in your home to keep things fresh. The idea works for toys as well. You can save money in the long run by periodically performing a run-through of your home, storing the lesser-used toys out of sight. Two months later you can reintroduce the hidden toys, which will have a newfound “it” status– no need to buy new toys.

(Please note: the above photo is the "after" picture!)

A Low-Tech Emergency Info Sheet

2010-04-01T12:05:00.001-07:00

Technology marches forward, and smart phones (iPhones, Blackberries and the like) are ubiquitous. Many parents enjoy the convenience of the phone, internet, and countless apps ready in their pockets, giving today’s suggestion an antiquated feeling, but a quick Google search tells me Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

Consider maintaining a list of important phone numbers as a word processing document on your computer’s hard drive, and post a printed version in a central location of your home, such as on the refrigerator. Customize your number list to include any numbers you deem important– it is yours, so go ahead and include your favorite takeout restaurant’s number below the emergency numbers! We keep key information on ours such as:

• Mom and Dad’s cell and work numbers
• Grandparents’/neighbors’ phone numbers
• Pediatrician numbers
• School numbers and absentee hotline numbers (very handy; my 4 kids attend 3 different schools)
• Poison control
• Local pharmacy numbers, including the nearest 24 hour pharmacy

A posted paper list is always available and easy to reference, and never needs recharging. If parents head out for work, date night or a rushed, unexpected emergency, the hard-copy list is ready for your children’s caregiver with all pertinent information– no need to worry about preparing the info every time you leave the house. (Just as carrying an umbrella seems to ward off the rain, I’m a believer in being prepared for unexpected scenarios, for peace of mind.) If the master document is kept on your hard drive, you can easily make corrections and updates as needed. Print out extra copies for nearby relatives or neighbors, and they’ll have your contact information at the ready.

A bonus: as our kids grow older we coach them, in an age-appropriate way, how to handle emergencies and other various situations. My second grader knows where the master contact list is, and if need be, he can use the house line to call his dad’s cell phone, or Grammy, in a jiffy. While most cell phones have phone numbers memorized, your child probably won’t have access to your device in an emergency. Modern innovations are great for busy families, but there is also beauty in a simple sheet of paper.

$2 to Boost Reading Skills

2010-03-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

Learning to read is a process, and it starts when your babies gnaw on their first board books. Add time and encouragement, and your kids will grow into confident readers who get absorbed in the plot of a chapter book. Surrounding your children with words (of both the spoken and written varieties) is key towards boosting literacy skills and nurturing a lifetime love of reading.

Each of your twins is an individual, and will develop reading skills at his or her own unique pace. Do not be surprised when one seems to “take off” reading more quickly than the other. Over the years we’ve read to each of our twins one-on-one as often as possible, so as to work at each boy’s pace and comfort level, without his co-twin interrupting the experience. Our days are busy though, and despite reading every night at bedtime and during daytime opportunities, I’m always looking for more ways to incorporate words and reading into our weekly routine.

I recently found a wonderful little chalkboard at our local craft store for about $2. It is simple, only measures about 7 by 8 inches, and was easy to stick up in a corner of the kitchen with some of those snazzy, double-sided, removable picture hanging strips. The strips stay together with Velcro, so I can take the chalkboard up and down every day. We started out writing kindergarten “sight words” on the board, but lately we’ve been writing the dinner menu on it– “the special of the day,” as it were. The kids get a kick out of writing the menu themselves, making the board a fun way to reinforce writing skills as well. How fabulous to get such mileage out of $2!

The Perks of Parenting Multiples– an Ongoing List

2010-03-02T09:27:00.001-08:00

One of my main goals while writing Raising Twins was to encourage and uplift fellow parents of multiples. Yes, raising twins, triplets or more is a challenge, but streamlining strategies and keeping the big picture in mind can help families enjoy the ride. With this positive outlook in mind, today’s post adds to an ongoing list of the benefits of parenting more than one child at the same age (a prior post alluded to the benefit of teamwork).

• Kids learn self-reliance early on when they outnumber the parent(s). Believe it or not, being outnumbered can be a good thing. The very logistics that pose such a challenge in the first year of life encourage your children to become more independent as they grow and develop over time. We’ve all heard of “helicopter parents” who can be overly involved in their kids’ lives and activities. Parenting twins or more decreases the chances that you’ll be micromanaging each aspect of your kids’ experiences. My kids are currently 7, 6, 6, and 3, and while I have a personal tendency to swoop in and help too much, I can only help each child as much as a mom of 4 is humanly able! My kids are pros at packing their backpacks for school, helping put away laundry, setting the dinner table, and more, not necessarily because of my parenting skills, but due to the logistics and needs of our larger-than-average family.

• The oft-cited multiples catchphrase: “You can’t scare me– I have twins!” Once you've parented multiples for any stretch of time, you realize you are capable of more than you may have expected. You quickly learn the ropes and can handle a multitude of situations, which is empowering. This sense of empowerment can carry over to other areas of your life: handling your career, your personal relationships... if you've raised multiples through the exciting first year, you can handle anything!

• Resilience– multiples coach their parents how to roll with things and adapt. Time flies quickly when parenting multiples; we tackle current issues then move on to a new set of circumstances. Even during a difficult stage, rest assured– time will pass, the stage will pass, and you'll be onto the next milestone.

Have more benefits to add to this ongoing list? Please share in the comments.

Love, and One-on-One Time

2010-02-10T13:06:00.001-08:00

The Chicago Tribune recently ran a heartwarming article by Barbara Brotman that is of particular interest to families with twins. The piece, "Family holds tight to Valentine's Day tradition," focuses on some of my favorite parenting themes– the benefits of one-on-one time with each child, whether a multiple or not, and the positive impact of hands-on, involved fathers. The article is about the Cacich family of the Chicago suburbs. They have 3 daughters, now college-age: a single-born older daughter and twin daughters just 21 months younger. For those of us still entrenched in our kids’ early years, changing countless diapers of twins, triplets or more, it is nice to have a glimpse into the future; this article is a sweet reminder that the choices and traditions we start now will enrich our long-term relationships with our children.

Special one-on-one time need not occur solely on Valentine’s Day– I recommend squeezing it in whenever possible. You’d be amazed what terrific conversations you can have with your child, one-on-one, waiting for the car’s oil change. The advantage of the Cacich’s family tradition is that a set date written in the calendar ensures that the date will be honored in the midst of hectic schedules.

Reliable Advice on the Internet

2010-02-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

The Internet is a powerful modern convenience, and busy parents often turn to the Web for parenting and medical advice to supplement their communication with health care providers. Simply “Googling” a question is not safe, however– not all websites are reliable sources of proven information.

Happily, the American Academy of Pediatrics (the AAP) recently launched a new website dedicated to the needs of parents and caregivers– HealthyChildren.org. Features include expert information on hundreds of health care topics, search capabilities, Ask a Pediatrician discussion boards and more. The AAP is comprised of 60,000 members with a mission to optimize the physical, mental, and social health and well-being for all infants, children, adolescents, and young adults. (Remember that no website can replace the medical care and advice of your pediatric health care provider– always address specific questions about your children’s health with your pediatrician.) Busy parents of multiples can simplify the search for accurate advice by bookmarking HealthyChildren.org.

Live and Learn (Plumbing Secrets Every Parent of Multiples Should Know)

2010-01-22T07:34:00.000-08:00

Toilet training twins or more is quite a task, and parents will take any help we can get. When I was training my identical twin boys, I eagerly purchased some wipes from the store– the box was clearly labeled “flushable wipes”. Anything that simplified the process of helping 2 little ones learn the language of the toilet seemed like a good idea to me!

Not coincidentally, 2 months into the toilet training process some unwelcome events occurred in our home. During the washing machine’s spin cycle, water began gurgling in a shower drain. The gurgling quickly turned into overflowing in the direction water is not meant to go. Long story short: those “flushable” wipes had collected and clogged up the main sewer line exiting the house.

As the plumber worked on the expensive repairs, he recommended not flushing anything other than toilet paper and #1/#2 [to phrase it politely]– not even Kleenex! When I asked specifically about “flushable” wipes, he said there is no such thing, even if the box is labeled as such– if used, they should be thrown in the trash.

More recently, my friend Cara experienced a similar plumbing situation at her home in Texas. Her home is busy with a preschooler and a toddler– lo and behold, her main sewer line became clogged up with flushable wipes (her plumber even joked that “flushable” wipes keep him in business!). We compared notes and figured it was time to spread the word to others with young children, especially those who are toilet training multiples. Here’s hoping this tip keeps your pipes clear and spares you unnecessary plumbing repairs.

Passing the Time in Tight Quarters

2010-01-12T10:04:00.001-08:00

If you have infant twins, take note: time will fly, you’ll blink twice, and your multiples will be in kindergarten. Kindergarteners are a hoot to spend time with– they view the world through an interesting, at times fantastical, lens. The groundwork is set for some hilarious conversations when you have 2 or more kids at the same age.

Take a topic such as pregnancy. I recently shared some stories with my kindergartener twins about when I was pregnant with them. Two babies squeezed into one belly (for several months, no less) is quite a concept. The boys began telling jokes about how they spent that special time together, and through uncontrollable giggles agreed, “we were playing checkers!”

"Parents" Magazine- Advice for a Pregnancy with Multiples

2009-12-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

My American Academy of Pediatrics book, Raising Twins, has a nice mention in the January 2010 issue of Parents magazine. Click here to read the article, "Tips for Pregnancy with Multiples."

A Peaceful Schedule During the Holiday Season

2009-12-17T13:33:00.001-08:00

Today’s newspaper has a “Holiday Survival” article– it has good advice, yet I take issue with the use of the word survival. The year-end season is not a hardship to endure; rather, it is a gift. Parenting twins or more keeps you busy every month of the year. This month, as with any month, prioritize what is truly important and enjoy the spirit of the season without overwhelming yourself or your children. Despite various family, social and religious events, you are in control of your schedule for the most part.

Embrace your most treasured traditions (such as an afternoon spent decorating cookies with your kids or taking the family to see glorious outdoor light displays) and make time for these experiences by saying ‘no’ to items lower on your priority list. You can’t do it all. Realistic expectations for the holidays, especially when your twins are young, can help maintain some serenity. Traditions from years past can be re-evaluated as well– hosting family or friends at your home may be simpler than packing and traveling with a crew of young children.

The concept of saying ‘no’ may be difficult for many of us, but we often need a reminder that we have permission do so. We owe it to ourselves and to our children. Your infant twins cannot speak up for themselves, so you need to be their proactive advocate– if you avoid over-scheduling, you’ll prevent meltdowns, illnesses, and behavioral setbacks. I am not endorsing the life of a hermit who declines all outside invitations– rather, I am suggesting balance in how you spend your precious family time.

Ultimately, keep in mind that your twins’ early years are fleeting. Accommodating the needs of young twins is a temporary situation that will be just a blip on the radar screen over the course of your lives. Streamline your days this month to enjoy each member of your family, your traditions, and the true peaceful spirit of the season.

Twins in the Kitchen

2009-12-02T14:43:00.001-08:00

When you whip up a quick meal or tasty snack, are you bombarded by 2 year-old twins begging “I help you?” A while back I posted an item about kitchen safety, and was asked by a reader, Dani, if I had more tricks to share about incorporating a crowd of little kids in the kitchen. My advice? Take advantage of your kids’ helpful instincts! By simply cooking together, your children can learn healthy eating habits, life skills, family traditions, and much more all at the same time– a true “high yield” activity. Looking at recipes and measuring ingredients boosts early reading and math skills in a very fun, hands-on way with edible results. Do you have picky eaters? Kids who play a role in the cooking process are more likely to try new foods.

Dani is correct to have concerns about the safety of her two 2 year-olds in the kitchen. As with all ages and stages, no magical childproofing gadget or gizmo can replace direct supervision– parents need to keep a vigilant watch over toddlers when cooking. Mom and Dad can teach kitchen safety skills in an age-appropriate way. I usually keep my instructions clear and simple, and will define certain tasks as “a grown-up job” (slicing onions, peeling pears) or “a kid job” (measuring or adding sugar, sprinkling cheese). As your children grow and develop they’ll be able to add on to their repertoire of cooking tasks. From the outset, establish clear boundaries with hot stoves, sharp knives, and other dangerous aspects of the kitchen. Over time with consistent parental guidance, your kids will learn the basics of staying safe while cooking, and you’ll be able to shift more attention towards the dish at hand. [Some lessons will be accidental, but memorable nonetheless: a couple years ago I gave myself a minor cut (requiring a bandage) when slicing vegetables– one of my twins witnessed the event and to this day, if I happen to pick up any tool that has a remotely sharp edge to it (scissors, knives, even a stapler) he will remind me, “Be careful with that, Mom!”] In addition to kitchen safety, teach good hygiene by reminding your kids to wash their hands with soap and water before handling food, and to sneeze in their cough pocket, not onto the salad bowl!

What is the safest way to help your toddlers or preschoolers work at a standard counter height? Typical step stools are usually not high enough, but pushing dining chairs into the cooking area can be both cumbersome and dangerous; wiggly little feet in socks standing on a chair can easily slip and fall. Since our twins have older and younger siblings very close in age, we invested in a sturdy and stable stepstool made specifically for 2 children to use at once. It has a rail around all 4 sides, is nearly impossible to tip over, the step height is adjustable as your kids grow, and it can even double as a puppet theater if curtains are added. I used to store ours in a closet, lugging it out each day, then realized life would be easier if we simply kept it out and available in the corner of the kitchen. It’s a bit of an eyesore, but we’ve consciously prioritized our children’s development over aesthetic appearances. [I usually try to avoid endorsing specific companies or products, but you can enter “The Learning Tower” in your internet search engine to see some examples. Many vendors now carry it at different price points, so shop carefully if you choose to make this investment.] When you have twins or more, it is worth the cost of a couple meals out in a restaurant (and is healthier) to have the ability to safely cook with your children at home over the years.

The "Cold Turkey" Approach?

2009-11-21T16:36:00.001-08:00

Thank you to Miraculous Multiples, a support and social group for parents of twins, triplets, and more in Crystal Lake, Illinois. I met with the group this week as a guest speaker, and we discussed questions regarding all aspects of raising twins. Among other issues, we talked about instilling good sleep habits, keeping the family peace from a discipline standpoint, and various toddler habits that, while frustrating, are developmentally normal.

At the meeting, one of the members and I talked about how to help her 11 month-old boy-girl twins sleep through the night. A few weeks ago, the mother was concerned her daughter was getting sick and offered a 2 am bottle– unfortunately, they fell into a pattern with this new overnight feeding, and the bottle was disrupting her and her room-sharing twin brother’s sleep. I explained that a healthy, normally developing 11 month-old does not require overnight feedings, and the new habit has created a ‘learned hunger’ at a very inconvenient time. Imagine if we, as adults, woke up at 2 am to eat a bowl of cereal– after a few nights of this, we’d feel hungry at that time, even though we do not physiologically need a 2 am bowl of cereal.

Should Mom slowly reduce the ounces offered each night over a week, or simply go “cold turkey” and abruptly stop the bottle? With many parenting questions, there is no one “correct” answer. Sometimes the slower, more gradual approach can be a kinder, gentler way to go, however it can prolong the transition out over a longer stretch of time. Another analogy is removing a sticky bandage. Should you rip the band-aid off quickly (it hurts, but it’s over faster), or slooowly remove it, prolonging the pain?

In the case of this healthy, normally developing 11 month-old, it is appropriate to eliminate overnight bottles– the cold turkey approach may result in lots of tears the first couple nights (from both child and parent!)– but with consistency, the issue may be resolved more quickly. If you find yourself debating the best way to negotiate a transition with your kids, evaluate your situation, consult with your pediatrician, follow your instincts and your personal comfort level as a parent, and you’ll make the right decision for your family.

"Chicago Parent" Q and A

2009-11-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

I’ve been an avid reader of the award-winning Chicago Parent magazine for years. Where else can you find trustworthy and timely information on issues such as child-rearing and nutrition, as well as local listings of fun seasonal family activities all in one place– for free? What a bargain!

The magazine has recently revamped its website and online content– click HERE to read my Q and A with editor Tamara O’Shaughnessy about my family and my new book, Raising Twins, From Pregnancy to Preschool– Advice from a Pediatrician Mom of Twins.

TV Appearance to Discuss Raising Twins

2009-11-04T12:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met with Allison Payne of WGN-TV Chicago's Midday News to discuss my book, Raising Twins– From Pregnancy to Preschool. As a child I watched WGN's "The Bozo Show" with my brothers, and in the years since have tuned in for countless WGN newscasts; it was a real treat to visit the studios and meet such familiar faces. You can watch the interview clip here:

A Tip to Minimize Kitchen Stress

2009-10-28T09:33:00.001-07:00

Do you have a small army of little helpers in your kitchen? If your home is anything like mine, there are probably plenty of eager hands ready to assist when preparing meals. Cooking with your twins or more is a lot of fun, but it requires a parent’s full attention. Turn your back to stir a pot on the stove, and you’ll need eyes in the back of your head to make sure little hands do not reach out for a sharp knife or a just-opened can sitting nearby. Opened can lids can be quite sharp and could cut curious fingers. The first time I administered sutures as a medical student was stitching up the finger of a patient who accidentally sliced herself opening a can of tuna; I have been extra-aware of the risks of opening a can ever since.

The traditional can opener has had a recent improvement that eliminates some child safety stress in the kitchen– the “no sharp edge” can opener. I had heard about these newfangled gadgets a while back, but it seemed wasteful to buy a tool that we already have in our kitchen drawer. However, this week we purchased and used our new fancy-pants can opener, and I regret not having made the switch sooner! Not only are the edges on the can and lid smooth, the process is more sanitary– the lid is removed, instead of punctured open. There are a variety of manufacturers and prices; you can enter “can opener- no sharp edges” in your internet search engine to get an idea of the ranges.

The holidays are coming up fast, and if you enjoy spending time cooking with your little ones, think about making an investment in a “no sharp edge” can opener. You’ll have one less thing to worry about when cooking with, and for, a crowd.

Lessons from a Smoky Oven

2009-10-22T07:39:00.001-07:00

It has been a hectic week for our family, so the other night I decided to take it easy and pop a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner. The timer rang and the pizza somehow broke into two pieces upon removal, resulting in big glops of cheese, sauce, and bell peppers falling onto the oven floor and racks– so much for a painless dinner!

Was I happy about the now-smoking oven? Definitely not! However, my usual audience of 4 kids were watching how I would handle this unexpected suppertime excitement. I decided to laugh about it and call the kids over to watch (from a safe viewing distance) as I attempted to extricate some of the burning cheese blobs. My kids are 7, 5, 5 and 3, so of course they found this entire scenario hilarious. We then rallied together to open as many windows as possible, laughing at the mess Mom made, hoping the smoke alarms didn’t start screeching.

How do children learn to deal with mistakes, disappointment, and difficult situations? During early childhood, Mom, Dad, and other important caregivers model attitudes and coping strategies, whether they are aware of it or not. Keeping this in mind, I consciously chose to take the lighthearted path and joke about the smoking oven.

Despite our best efforts, parents are human and our kids will see us lose our cool from time to time. Do not fret if that occasionally happens– emotions are a part of life. If you’ve found yourself yelling or otherwise exhibiting less-than-model behavior, it is OK to simply talk to your kids about it, explaining that you shouldn’t have used those particular words, for example. Use daily life events and mishaps as illustrative scenarios to help your young children learn to navigate their emotions and maintain their self-esteem, even when things go wrong.

Book Signing

2009-10-20T08:17:00.001-07:00

We held a book signing for Raising Twins Sunday at the American Academy of Pediatrics’ 2009 National Conference & Exhibition, currently being held in Washington, D.C. I met pediatricians eager to help families with multiples, anxious parents-to-be of twins, and lactation consultants who counsel breastfeeding moms of multiples, among others. Happily, a few attendees had already read Raising Twins, finding it to be a terrific parenting resource– one in particular will stand out in my memory with his enthusiastic “I loved it!” What a wonderful way to spread the word about Raising Twins.

Twins in The New York Times

2009-10-14T19:48:00.001-07:00

This past Sunday, The New York Times printed “The Gift of Life, and Its Price” as the first installment in a series, “21st Century Babies.”

The article discusses the ethical issues regarding fertility medicine, specifying the risks of twin pregnancy– however, I felt some points about conceiving and carrying twins needed clarification for general readers. My response (the 5th letter in this link) is in today’s print edition, and reads as follows:

To the Editor:
I am a pediatrician and the mother of four, including twins.
Your readers should be aware that in a majority of cases, twins result for reasons besides IVF: as a natural occurrence; the fact that mothers over 30 have greater odds of ovulating more than one egg in a single ovulatory cycle; or other fertility hormone therapy.
The article says that “most twins go home without serious complications.” That is accurate, yet the rest of the article provides horribly sad tales of premature twins.
While the stories described are devastating for the families involved, they are worst-case scenarios that do not represent the majority of twin pregnancies and outcomes.
Certainly, it is important for families expecting twins to be aware of the inherent risks and possible outcomes. But readers might come away from this article with the impression that most twin pregnancies have terrible outcomes at exorbitant costs, and that is not the case.
Shelly Flais, Oct. 12, 2009
The writer is the author of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ “Raising Twins: From Pregnancy to Preschool.”

Publishers Weekly Review of Raising Twins

2009-10-07T07:12:00.001-07:00

What a thrill to read the terrific review of my book, Raising Twins, From Pregnancy to Preschool– Advice from a Pediatrician Mom of Twins (American Academy of Pediatrics), just posted this week at the Publishers Weekly website (scroll down and you'll find Raising Twins under the "Lifestyle" section).

I am pleased that my goals for the book, to empower and encourage parents of multiples with both practical advice and professional insight, were clearly evident within the pages. Hooray!

Kid's Health Radio Interview

2009-10-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

I will be a guest on HealthRadio, an internet radio station at HealthRadio.net, tomorrow, October 7 from 1 pm-2 ET/12-1 CT. Click on the email link at the website if you would like to send in your questions about raising twins. Busy tomorrow? No problem- podcasts of the interview will be available on the site afterward.

Rise to the Challenge

2009-10-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

I am quoted this week in a Tuscaloosa News parenting article by Kristi Palma– "Rising to the Challenge of Multiples."

"Feed the Meter" for Good Behavior

2009-09-29T07:51:00.001-07:00

Parents of twins or more: have you noticed your toddlers’ or preschoolers’ behavior can take a turn for the worse during particularly hectic weeks? Often this phenomenon is not just a poorly-timed coincidence. Even at our busiest, we parents need to feed our kids’ “meters” on a routine basis to encourage good behavior. Think of “feeding the meter” as a discipline strategy; effective discipline strategies are a must for busy families with two or more kids. Clearly life is more pleasant with well-behaved children, but if you’re a parent of multiples, good discipline techniques are a requirement to keep your household running smoothly.

Think of discipline as an overall framework where good behavior is rewarded, and inappropriate behavior has consequences. We’ve all heard of “time-outs” for poor behavior, but even more important is “time-in”– positive, pleasant, one-on-one time with a parent. Time-in boosts your child’s self-esteem and strengthens your emotional connection. Having a good relationship is wonderful in and of itself, but in addition, it is the setting under which you can most effectively guide your kids’ behavior. Positive quality time with a parent on a regular basis helps your child know that she or he does not need to act out in order to get your attention.

So how can you feed your kids’ meters? Even if both parents work outside the home, it is possible to squeeze in meaningful one-on-one time each week. As you prep dinner, let one of your kids ‘help’ with simple, age-appropriate tasks as you talk to each other, leaving the TV off. On weekends, take just one child with you to the grocery store, ignoring your cell phone or other distractions. Sit with your kids and simply color and doodle with them, sharing peeks at each other’s artwork. Over time you can fairly distribute “time-in” amongst all your kids, strengthening bonds and improving overall behavior.

Twins Magazine Book Review Spotlight

2009-09-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

The Fall 2009 issue of Twins Magazine features my book with the American Academy of Pediatrics, Raising Twins, in the book review spotlight! Twins Magazine has been a wonderful resource for families with multiples for over 25 years– be sure to check it out.

Within the same issue, I am quoted in an article about keeping a marriage strong with the challenges of raising twins or more. Despite a hectic household, Mom and Dad can still take the time to show each other mutual respect and consideration– it will benefit the union, as well as the family as a whole. Over time, all marriages must face real-world issues (whether it be multiples, illness, or job difficulties, to name a few examples), and both parents must work as a team to adapt and roll with things as they come.

"Doctor Radio" Interview

2009-09-08T16:11:00.001-07:00

It was a pleasure to speak with Dr. Kimberly DeOre today about my soon-to-be-released book with the American Academy of Pediatrics on her satellite radio show [Sirius 114 and XM 119]. We spoke about quite a range of issues pertaining to twins and multiples over the hour-long discussion, and took calls and emails from listeners.

iParenting Mom of the Month

2009-08-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

It is an honor to have been chosen as iParenting's Mom of the Month– please click here to read the article. Kudos to iParenting for placing a priority on providing resources and support for families with multiples!

(Photo courtesy of the talented Carmen of Blink of an Eye Photography– a fellow mom of four, including twins!)

Budgeting for Babies

2009-08-13T10:49:00.001-07:00

I spoke with SmartMoney.com this week about strategies parents can use to save money raising babies. Read some good tips in the resulting article, "8 Ways to Save Money on Baby Care."

Learning New Skills– Twins' Developmental Milestones

2009-08-11T12:35:00.001-07:00

I type this post as tears fall on the keyboard– our twin boys start kindergarten in two weeks! While we are looking forward to all the exciting growth that will occur this year, I cannot help recalling their baby days. Time is moving quickly– we’ve moved from frequent feedings and diaper changes to a new world of working on reading skills and increasing independence.

The boys, thankfully, are ready and excited to start kindergarten. As part of this month’s preparations, our four kids have helped select their back-to-school sneakers. Our almost-kindergarteners have chosen laced shoes since, as they tell me, they are now ‘big kids.’ Up to this point, they have enjoyed the convenience of Velcro sneakers, a big help to get the family out of the house in a timely fashion!

Kids master many milestones in their early years… drinking from a sippy cup, toilet training, tying shoelaces, reading independently. For families with twins or more, these milestones can sometimes be overwhelming as you are teaching two or more children at the same age (and usually developmental level) the same new skill. The logistics of coaching two kids at once, as well as dealing with inter-twin dynamics (read: hurt feelings when one twin catches on sooner than the other) might lead a parent to buy Velcro sneakers for life! However, once your twins achieve each milestone, their increased independence is well worth the effort.

Our strategy to teach our twins to tie shoelaces is similar to what we’ve done for other milestones: a mix of group time and one-on-one time. Working in our favor is the fact that our twins really look up to their 7 year-old brother; we’re borrowing his terminology for tying shoes (the bunny runs around a tree, jumps into the hole, and gets locked inside with a knot). If your twins do not have older siblings, ask a beloved older cousin, family friend, or neighbor for a demo– such a ‘kid-to-kid’ demo can sometimes be more effective than merely watching a grownup perform the task. Exciting new shoes and lacing shoe books (with actual laces) help, too. Make it fun, and know when to take a break.

As your twins encounter new milestones on their developmental journey, hang in there, be patient, treat each twin as an individual, and soon they will master the new skill du jour.

Preserve Your Emotional Health

2009-07-22T21:12:00.001-07:00

If you are a parent of twins or triplets, you probably won’t be surprised by the results of a study published in the April 2009 issue of Pediatrics: “Multiple Births Are a Risk Factor for Postpartum Maternal Depressive Symptoms.” This article strikes a personal chord for me, stating, “Undergoing a high-risk pregnancy and delivering multiple births are stressful life events, and the unique demands of parenting multiple infants can result in high levels of parental stress, fatigue, and social isolation.” Looking back at my twins’ early months, housebound by the needs of twin babies plus a 1 year-old, I would agree with this statement!

The study results, while not surprising, are of vital importance. With this study, families and health care providers can anticipate and understand the relationship between multiple births and stress. Knowing that the odds of depression are greater, families can enter the world of multiples with their eyes open, ready to be proactive with some prevention strategies.

In the hectic early months with twins or triplets, prioritize what is most important, and streamline elsewhere– you can’t do it all. Are each of your kids safe, fed, and loved? If yes, then declare the day a success– the other stuff can slide for now.

Be specific in how you ask for support. Instead of vaguely hinting, ask your spouse directly for what you need; for example, “Please change the babies’ diapers.” Necessary tasks that may seem apparent to you may not be clear to others– don’t expect your partner to read your mind.

Good communication between Mom and Dad is key, as is utilizing your wider support circle. Friends lend an ear so you can vent, and relatives with older kids remind you that your kids’ current stage will soon pass. Join your area’s Mothers of Twins club; these parents truly understand what you’re going through. Also look to your place of worship and to your pediatrician; she or he wants to know how you are faring, since your babies’ growth and development are intricately related to the family dynamic.

Every parent is different. Some parents’ outlook may improve with day-to-day logistical help or talking with loved ones, but others may need counseling and further assistance to get on the right track. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. Be the proverbial squeaky wheel, and reach out for support.

Toilet Training Multiples– In the Media

2009-07-08T13:25:00.001-07:00

Does the thought of potty training your twins or triplets send your pulse racing?

Check out this fun and informative online article by Wicked Local Parents, a parenting resource for families in the greater Boston area. "Time to Go! Introducing Toileting to Twins, Trips and Quads," includes advice from a variety of experts, including yours truly.

I recommend that families keep their expectations age-appropriate, and avoid making comparisons between their multiples. The article also advises how to handle toddlers' natural curiosity about how their bodies work. Scroll down to read some of my potty "Quick Tips," as well as some humorous tales from real families with multiples.

The Boring Stuff

2009-06-25T20:48:00.001-07:00

It is rare to find good parenting philosophies reflected in modern movies– but lo and behold, Pixar’s summer release Up richly illustrates some wonderful messages.

At one point, Russell, an eager and well-intentioned 8 year-old, tells his new friend about a favorite activity he loved to share with his father. They’d get ice cream cones, sit together on a curb, and watch the cars drive past on the street. Russell would count the red cars, his dad would count the blue cars, and whoever got the highest number won the game.

After Russell describes this game, he sheepishly adds, “It may seem boring to you, but the boring stuff is what I remember most.” Sitting in that dark movie theater, all I could think was “Amen!”

These summer months, don't stress yourself out planning expensive or elaborate outings with your family. With twins or more, you have a lot on your plate. Keep family plans simple, and focus on meaningful interactions with your kids. Bike rides, watching the clouds go by, and reading under a tree are all free activities that are anything but boring, especially when shared with your children.

Twins and Friends' Birthday Parties

2009-06-10T20:29:00.001-07:00

My twins are eagerly anticipating a pal’s birthday party coming up in a couple days. Both boys are invited, which doesn’t always happen. Our boys are in two separate classes in school, and usually a classmate will invite just the boy who is in the same class– this is a good thing. Attending a friend’s party without one’s twin is a great learning opportunity.

Starting as early as the preschool years, social experiences independent of one’s twin will help each child gain confidence as an individual. My twins are identical, and often in social situations where both boys are present, a lot of time is spent answering the question, “Which one are you?” I have observed that when one boy has a chance to play with friends ‘on his own,’ more time is spent in meaningful interaction, rather than clarifying his identity.

If one of your twins tends to be shy without the nearby presence of her twin, the experience can be especially beneficial to her emotional maturity. Preschool parties are usually just a couple of hours, anyway– a brief and fun way to practice being on one’s own.

I have heard of instances where, if only one twin is invited to a party, the parents ask if they can bring along the co-twin as well. I recommend against this practice. Yes, it requires more effort to arrange for trustworthy childcare for your other kid(s), but it is well worth the effort for your invited child to have the party experience solo.

Are you concerned that your other twin will get jealous? Kids are resilient, and the experiences will even out over time. Matter-of-factly explain, "Today it is John's turn to go to a party– soon it will be Joseph's turn." Kids follow their parents' emotional cues; if you are calm and matter-of-fact about the situation, your children will be as well. Plus, a little planning will provide the non-partying twin with special time as well (such as a trip to a playground, for example)– a win-win situation for everybody.

Overheard

2009-06-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

Today we played the board game Candy Land. When one of my 5 year-olds landed on the same space as his twin, he exclaimed, "Look, we're double twins!"

Where is the Answer Key?

2009-05-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

Do you ever wish there were ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ answers to your parenting dilemmas, a nice, clear-cut, straightforward way to go? It sure would make life easier! As your children grow and your family’s dynamics evolve, parenting quandaries [amplified for we parents of multiples] arise with no obvious correct answer.

We had a bicycle dilemma this week– our 5 year-old twins are ready for bigger bikes. We have a perfectly good hand-me-down bike, courtesy of our older (singleton) son [well, the threadbare tires need replacing, but besides that, the bike works great]. So who gets the hand-me-down bike, and who gets a new bike?

Our solution– I tossed a coin to determine who gets the new bike, and in a couple years when the boys need bigger bikes again, we’ll alternate between the twins as to who gets the hand-me-down, and who gets the new.

My son who “lost” the coin toss was pretty bummed, and I started to feel pangs of guilt as I reassured him. Nothing that I said, though, made him as happy as when he simply hopped on and rode his bigger and faster bike, beaming with pride at how much he has grown! [A bonus was that he had instant gratification– his hand-me-down was ready to go, waiting in the garage for him. His twin who “won” the coin toss had to wait for his new bike to be assembled from the box.]

There may not be an exact ‘answer key’ for your parenting dilemmas, but remember that regardless of the paths you choose, kids are resilient. Each family and each child is unique, so follow your instincts with love and fairness, and you’ll make the right decision for your family.

Lead by Example

2009-05-17T21:21:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I participated in a volunteer coach training session for the USTA [United States Tennis Association] Quickstart Program, a fun, age-appropriate way to introduce tennis to kids ages 10 and under. During the program, we discussed strategies of good coaches––keep things fun, applaud the effort [not the outcome], and so on. My own family has a “team” of four kids close in age to each other, so many days I feel like a team coach, rather than a mom! The training session got me thinking; many of the traits of good coaching are also the traits of good parenting. Effective coaches and parents both lead by example.

Your children’s most powerful role models are Mom and Dad. When your kids see you treat others with kindness and respect, or work through a problem calmly, maintaining a good attitude, your kids are learning positive behaviors on a subconscious level. Children learn social skills as well as health behaviors by observing the adults in their world.

You can talk to your kids about the benefits of healthy nutrition and exercise until you are blue in the face, but nothing makes such an impact as leading by example. Eat plenty of fruits and veggies yourself. Now that summer is starting, bring your kids to farmers’ markets in your area and check out the local produce. Spend time as a family outdoors. Go on family bike rides, either in your neighborhood or at a nearby bike trail.

Parents’ habits, whether healthy or not, tend to get passed along to children. In February 2009 a study in the journal Pediatrics showed that parental smoking increased the chances of the kids initiating smoking. On the bright side of the study, however, the kids of parents who had quit smoking were no more likely to smoke than kids of parents who had never smoked. Kids emulate and respect parents’ behaviors beyond the grade school years, contrary to the popular belief!

One of my 5 year-old twins has adorably been asking to join me on my 2-mile neighborhood runs. Amazing––a kid his age, asking to run 2 miles, as if it were a treat akin to a trip to the ice cream shop [full disclosure––he asks to go to the ice cream shop regularly, too!]. He’s just a normal kid who simply wants to join his mom in an activity he sees her partake in regularly.

Keep this in mind as you 'coach' your own children. Your parenting motto should be: "Do as I say, and as I do."

APMOT In the Media

2009-04-30T20:17:00.001-07:00

This week, everybody has been talking about infection prevention, considering the recent news about the H1N1 Influenza A virus (swine flu). The old standbys are always in fashion–cover one's cough and use good hand washing techniques to minimize the spread of illness.

A couple months ago, I recommended on this blog that parents teach their young children to cough and sneeze into the crook of their elbow, their "cough pocket." This recommendation, and an observation I made about common sense not always being the common practice, have been cited in various media this week:

Eric Zorn, a Chicago Tribune columnist, notes that today's parenting generation grew up being told to cover a cough with the hand, and wonders why the elbow wasn't considered until relatively recently. Read it here.

Lisa Belkin, a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine, author, and XM satellite radio host, expands on these questions and discusses the wisdom "from the trenches" of experience in her NY Times parenting blog here.

"Dr. X's Free Associations" blog directly quotes A Pediatrician Mom of Twins here.

Support for Parents of Multiples

2009-04-13T20:55:00.001-07:00

A hearty thanks goes out to the Clusters Moms of Multiples Club [supporting families in southwest Chicago and the southwest suburbs]. I was fortunate to join Clusters this past week as a guest speaker. I met several wonderful moms and was struck by the unique challenges that each of our families face. Just to name a couple examples, one family had twins after 3 single-born kids, and another family had 2 sets of twins, resulting in 5 kids all aged 3 years old and younger! Finding support through such a terrific organization not only provides helpful survival strategies, but also gives parents a place to share their experiences with people who can truly relate.

Clusters is a proud member of the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs [NOMOTC], as well as the Illinois Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs [IOMOTC]. 2009 is an exciting year for Clusters; the club is hosting the IOMOTC Spring Workshop April 18, as well as the Annual IOMOTC Convention October 16-18. Both events are sure to be exciting and enlightening; good luck to Clusters in their preparations!

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk––The 9 Lives of a Burp Cloth

2009-04-07T19:24:00.001-07:00

Babies spit up a lot, even healthy and full-term babies. If you have twins, triplets, or more, then you’ll be dealing with many spit-ups! Cloth diapers are super-absorbent, sold in economical multipacks, and can be wonderfully ‘repurposed’ as burp cloths. When my twins were infants, I found it useful to keep a stash of burp cloths in each area of our home to catch the frequent spit-ups.

When your babies grow into toddlers, hang onto your collection of burp cloths. Toilet-training twin toddlers [say that 5 times fast] will result in a fair amount of ‘accidents’ around the house. Keep your stash of cloths handy to wipe up messes.

Even as your twins grow into preschoolers, the burp cloths continue to be useful! Your kids have advanced from sippy cups to regular, open drinking cups. Families with multiples have lots of little people at the breakfast table––the squirms and dynamics result in inevitable spills, often on a daily basis. Once again, your burp cloths can save the day by quickly cleaning up knocked-over cups. Paper towels and other methods work too, but why not extend the life of your reusable cloth diapers?

Families with twins and more need budget-friendly solutions to everyday issues. Repurpose your babies’ burp cloths throughout the early years to save your money and sanity!

The Best Things In Life are Free [or $2.99 at Your Local Office Supply Store]

2009-03-23T20:46:00.001-07:00

This afternoon, I was able to snag some quality time with my 5-year-old twin boys [their little sister was napping and their older brother wasn’t home from school yet]. We had fun with a calculator, of all things!

One of the boys happened to pick up a calculator from my desk, and we played a spontaneous 'game' where the boys would take turns entering random numbers into the calculator. I then translated the numbers into words––56937485 read aloud as “Fifty six million, nine hundred thirty seven thousand, four hundred and eighty five,” for example. You wouldn’t believe the boisterous giggles from the boys as I read the lengthy numbers to them!

Therein lies the beauty of a child’s mind. Whereas grownups see a calculator and think of math classes back in high school or worse, taxes, a 5-year-old sees a fun game of pressing buttons and hearing the ridiculously large numbers he has created.

Homemade, ‘invented’ games are great entertainment; challenge yourself to come up with a few of your own games this week. My boys are particularly fascinated by large numbers this month, so I am taking advantage of their natural curiosity and working in some educational diversion at the same time. Twist your toddlers’ and preschoolers’ current interests into fun, spontaneous moments. [And don’t forget to turn off the TV and put away the cell phone while you’re at it.] Kids don’t need theme parks or expensive toys to be happy. Quality time with a parent, and perhaps a small investment from the office supply store, is all kids need––great for the budget of a family with twins or more.

Celebrate Each Twin's Accomplishments on an Individual Basis

2009-03-15T20:40:00.001-07:00

Believe it or not, the summer swimming season is rapidly approaching! Our four kids are preparing with swimming lessons at our local high school pool. These lessons are a great opportunity for kids to gain confidence in the water and improve their skills. [Even with formal swimming lessons, though, parents should not have a false sense of security when children swim; close adult supervision is always a must. For an excellent review of family water safety, go here; under the heading “Family and Community Resources” click on “What is the best way to keep my child safe around swimming pools?”]

Our swim program has a system of small groups organized by individual swimming ability, and our identical twins, not surprisingly, have been in the same ability level lately. Yesterday, however, one of the boys advanced to the next level before his twin brother did. When one of the staff members let me know, she jokingly added, “Is his twin going to be OK with that?”

Her joke brings to light the never-ending comparisons made between twin siblings. As parents, it is a challenge to not feel a twinge of worry whenever one of our twins makes an accomplishment before the other. Let go of the worry, and when one of your twins achieves a milestone, celebrate that child’s success! In families with children of different ages, it is to be expected that the older kids will ride a bike without training wheels, tie their shoelaces, and learn to read independently before the younger ones. Even if our kids share a birthday, we need to know that these milestones will rarely occur on the same day for both children.

Each child is an individual, and there is a wide range of normal development. A child’s identity should not be solely defined by the fact that he or she is a twin, and her successes should not always be compared to those of her twin. Are you concerned that the other twin will feel left behind? Over time, each child will exhibit particular strengths, and you can remind her of her own successes.

As your children grow, each twin will develop their own unique talents and strengths, and each will each have their moment to shine! So relax, and when one of your twins learns the backstroke before the other, celebrate!

Keeping Your Cool, in the Heat of the Moment

2009-02-20T07:18:00.001-08:00

This week, I was honored to share a presentation about discipline for multiples with a wonderful group of parents, the Southwest Suburban Moms of Multiples. We all agreed that it is quite a challenge to keep a cool head when your children misbehave. Handling two or more young kids at the same age can test the patience of a saint. It is crucial for parents to stay calm in the heat of a 'discipline moment' for many reasons, a significant reason being that kids learn how to handle stressful situations by observing how their parents handle such situations.

One tip to preserve your emotional health as a parent [especially when your twins are toddlers and your patience is being tested day-in, day-out] is to take a refresher course on your kids' age group[s] developmental milestones and characteristics. Families can find some comfort knowing that it is age-appropriate for older babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers to "test limits." Toddlers' temper tantrums are also age-appropriate, unfortunately––resulting when your 2-year-old realizes that she has her own ideas about the world, and that she is, in fact, an individual, a separate person from her parents and her co-twin. Throughout your twins' early years, your kids are continually trying to figure out what their boundaries are––it is a function of how children operate, and is not a conscious, deliberate attempt to drive you insane! As frustrating as the tough days can be, it is our job as parents to consistently and rationally illustrate appropriate boundaries to our kids. [A quick reference of developmental milestones for toddlers can be found here, and for preschoolers, here.]

How can you model reasoned, rational behavior to your kids when you have reached your capacity for patience? Counting to ten and "going to your happy place" may not be enough to keep a parent of twins calm [trust me, I know!]. During my presentation this week, I shared some calming tricks that I've picked up from various sources over the years, which gave us all a good laugh. These odd but effective ideas include imagining an audience in the room with you [or security cameras, or the camera crew from a reality TV show] watching you as you handle a tough situation, or alternatively, pretending your toddler twins are from another country, and you're teaching them the ways of your land. Silly ideas, I know, but sometimes, fresh ideas are just what parents need to "keep their cool" and handle a situation objectively, properly, and without anger.

"Twist Time" So It Works For You

2009-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

Time is a tricky thing. We have 24 hours each day to "spend" as best we can. Manipulate your daily schedule to budget your time effectively for you and your family. Creative thinking can streamline your home's daily tasks and make your life easier. Take dinner prep, for example...

When your twins are newborns, the dinner hour is the 'bewitching' hour. Babies tend to become more anxious and unsettled during the late afternoon and early evening hours, and colicky episodes usually peak right at dinnertime. What superhero could cook and serve a meal while also caring for two fussy babies? Even as your twins grow into toddlers and preschoolers, they may be bouncing off the walls come late afternoon. During the school years, your twins are getting off the bus in the afternoons and have homework and various extracurricular activities scheduled. Frozen pizza seven nights a week isn't the healthiest option, but the forces of the universe seem aligned in a mission to thwart homemade dinners forevermore!

The solution? Make a "do-ahead" dinner at a time convenient for you and your schedule, then assemble or reheat it right at mealtime. Personally, I am a morning person [perhaps because of my love for coffee] and my young kids are more agreeable and cooperative in the morning hours. If able, I'll assemble lasagna to be baked off later, or roast chicken parts so they'll only require a microwave reheating. Come 5 pm, most of the prep is complete, and even if we're having a hectic afternoon I can quickly toss together a decent meal for my hungry family. Mornings aren't the only alternative––families with busy work schedules may find that weekends are a good time to assemble a few nights' meals in advance. See what works for you and your situation.

The point is that you can "twist time" to make it work for you. Dinner can be made in the morning. Laundry can be done when the kids are in bed. Prime time TV shows can be recorded or watched later for free on the internet. Hectic mornings can be alleviated by placing backpacks in the car the night before. Identify your trouble spots and experiment with new strategies, and you'll find yourself a more relaxed, hence more effective, parent.

The Quest Against Cooties [Part 2 in a Series]––The "Cough Pocket"

2009-02-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

"Aaaa-choo!" During the winter months, many a family hears an infectious symphony of sorts––the sounds of kids sneezing and coughing during yet another wave of upper respiratory viruses. Families with twins or more have plenty of opportunities for cooties to invade the home, especially when the kids are attending school or day care, picking up viruses from more than one classroom.

Most of us were taught in our younger years to "cover your sneeze," usually with the hand. The hand method is polite, but not the best way to prevent the spread of germs! Using your hand to 'catch' a cough ensures that whatever was just coughed up will then be sitting in your palm, ready to contact other items and people.

An even more polite method is to cover one's sneeze or cough with the inside of one's elbow, minimizing the spread of germs [demonstrated in the above picture]. Kids as young as toddlers can learn this technique easily. I used to coach my own kids in a cumbersome way ["Sweetie, cough inside your elbow please!"], until my terrific sister-in-law Becky taught me the handy-dandy term "cough pocket"––genius! The term "cough pocket" is simple, straight to the point, and even a 2-year-old can understand it!

I encourage parents to teach their young kids to cough in their "cough pocket" [or sneeze in their "sneeze pocket"]. Keep in mind that healthy, normal kids can catch 10 to 12 colds in a year's time [on average], so do not be alarmed if and when illness strikes. The "cough pocket" technique, however, may quiet your home's "sneeze symphony" somewhat during the cootie-laden winter months of the year!

The Importance of Play

2009-01-28T13:20:00.001-08:00

Scheduling a playdate for a preschooler these days can feel similar to squeezing a meeting into President Obama's daily itinerary. Soccer, t-ball, art class, swimming... there are so many wonderful choices for kids to expand their horizons. Sometimes, however, you can have too much of a good thing.

The parents I know [myself included] bemoan the current trend of over-scheduled children, yet somehow, feel pressured to keep up with other families in the extra-curricular department. May I suggest that we all take a step back and remember what our moms taught us: "Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't make it right!"

Children rushing around town to various school events, sports, and other activities, hurriedly eating snacks in car seats, are missing out on one of the most basic needs of childhood: free time. Free time is vitally important for a child to imagine and play independently, or together with siblings/friends. Free time is the time that problems are encountered, and solutions are tested out. Scuttling from here to there, over-scheduled kids do not have the opportunity to be creative and problem-solve on their own. In addition, over-scheduled kids are more stressed and eat less healthfully as the weeks add up.

Luckily, the problem of over-scheduled children is coming to mainstream attention. The American Academy of Pediatrics focused a spotlight on the issue with the January 2007 Policy Statement, "The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds." [A wonderful read when you have some time... to see it, click here.]

The media has picked up on the issue, and more families are becoming aware of the importance of free time. We parents need to make sure we do our part to preserve our kids' unstructured time each week. How can we do this? Focus on your family's priorities and goals, eliminate the unnecessary stuff, and choose two activities or sports, three tops, per child, at any given point in the year.

The need for free time is great news for families with twins, triplets, and more. Any parent who has driven Johnny to flag football, Mary to ballet, and Billy to piano, only to turn around to pick everyone up again, can see the beauty of a more open schedule! Don't feel guilty when you hear your neighbors discuss their prodigy child's five weekly after-school activities; smile inwardly, and remember that you're doing your kids a favor by letting them be kids while they still can!

Painting For a Crowd, With Minimal Fuss

2009-01-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

"Mom, can we paint?" Do you hear this request as often as I do?

Even one-year-olds can scribble and paint; it is a great way to boost hand and finger [a.k.a. "fine motor"] skills, feel the sensation of paint underneath fingertips, and just have some fun! Even older babies like to practice 'painting' with pureed food on their highchair tray. As toddlers grow into preschoolers and beyond, the artwork matures into more significant forms and meaning, and painting, whether with fingers or brushes, is a great way to spend some time on a rainy or snowy day.

As a busy parent with two or more kids, though, you may sigh an inward groan as you visualize 20 minutes of prep time, 2 minutes of painting, more paint on the children than the paper, and then [inevitably] the post-painting-party cleanup.

Our four kids love painting, so we needed a system to make it easier on everyone.

An old mattress pad easily covers the kitchen table quickly, and soaks up paint spills. Old pillowcases cover the chair backs for when kids get squirmy and lean over to check their siblings' project progress. Old adult-sized t-shirts provide great art smock coverage, fastened in the back of the neck with a clip. The supplies can be stashed in one of those plastic zippered storage bags that new mattress pads come in at the store. Everything is stored together, easy to pull out and set up quickly.

When your Picassos and Monets are finished, simply pile up all the messy smocks and pillowcases into the center of the mattress pad, pull up the corners, and make a tidy little bundle. All the messy stuff is safely contained within, and you can put the bundle in the laundry area and wash it when you have the time. Any washable-paint-laden brushes can soak in the sink and be dealt with later.

The choices in washable paints and markers these days are dizzying, and kids don't even need fresh paper; painting on old cardboard boxes or paper rescued from the recycling pile is just as fun.

See what systems you can come up with––if the process is streamlined, you'll hear, "Can we paint?" and you will say, "Yes, we can!"

Each Child Has Her or His Own "Day in the Sun"

2009-01-16T11:02:00.000-08:00

Do you sometimes worry that your twins get too much attention, leaving their younger sibling on the sidelines? Or are you like my good friend, who worries that her toddler twin boys are 'neglected' due to their older sister's busy schedule of school and activities?

When two or more children are involved, well-intentioned parents do their best to maintain a fair family dynamic by providing equal amounts of love and attention to each of their kids. These efforts can be fraught with guilt, however, as it is impossible to provide exactly equal amounts of interaction with three, four, or more children. Life is just so variable––how could your attention be spread exactly equally? One week, Kid #1 is sick; another week, Kid #2 has a school play; then the following month, Kid #3's best friend moves out of state. I often find myself fretting if I have not had enough 'special time' with one of my four kids, even if there are very good reasons that some kids needed 'more' of me during a given week.

Having twins or triplets in a family can intensify the issue of relationships. By their very nature, multiples are a rare, special occurrence, and they are fascinating as well as time-consuming! I have friends who happened to grow up as a single-born sibling of twins––they warned me, when I was pregnant with my twins, to not 'forget' my oldest son! These warnings intensify my feelings of guilt during those hectic weeks when some of my kids get more attention than the others.

I think the best strategy for a healthy family dynamic [and fret-free parents] is to focus on fairness over the long haul. There will be some days, weeks, and even months where one of your kids will need you more than your other[s]. And that is okay! In the long run, it will all even out, and each child will have his or her own "day in the sun."

And always remember that each of your twins is an individual. It is fun to celebrate the special status of twins, but keep a healthy family dynamic by treating each child, twins or not, as if they were a single-born child.

Parents of Twins: Your Dryer's Life Is Measured in Dog Years

2009-01-13T09:34:00.001-08:00

Years of spit-ups, overflowed poop, self-feeding accidents, toilet-training incidents, and life in general have taken its toll. This week, our family's dryer decided to hand us walking papers. Apparently, it was time to retire to that Elysian laundry room in the sky.

After six years and five months of working overtime, our dryer must have seen the owner's manual, and figured that since the warranties had expired anyway, it was quitting time. I couldn't really blame it; in any other home, it probably would have lasted a decade or more. Lots of kids, plus a mom who can't completely give up her 'neat-freak' tendencies, take a toll on a laundry machine.

If you have twins or more, say a little 'thank you' to your hardworking washer and dryer this week. And just as bringing along an umbrella seems to fend off the rain, you should probably periodically browse the appliance sale ads––perhaps then you won't need to buy new ones!

The Quest Against Cooties

2009-01-08T07:02:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago, my Mothers of Twins club welcomed a guest speaker to discuss illness prevention––a timely topic with the onset of cold and flu season.

Proper handwashing techniques are key to staying healthy. Many of us moms nodded in agreement when we heard the familiar recommendation to help our kids wash with soap and water while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" two times. Simple enough if there is one child per caregiver, but what if you have twins or more?

I don't know about you, but I always get a twinge of guilt when I hear that advice. Our family had four kids within four years [including our twins]; the mom:kid ratio is 1:4! Clearly being outnumbered, I honestly didn't have the luxury of individually leading each child to the bathroom sink for a good, proper handwashing session before every meal.

Enter hand sanitizer. Handwashing IS best, but if you are not near a sink and [be honest] you know at that particular moment that you can't dedicate some time to soap and water, hand sanitizer is an acceptable substitute. We even keep a sanitizer pump ready in our family car for the kids to use after grocery shopping or preschool pickup––preschool, with the shared toys, can be a virtual petri dish of infectious agents!

A couple caveats to the wonders of hand sanitizer, though––for one, many common brands contain alchohol. Do not leave any bottle unattended with young kids, and don't let toddlers "lick" their hands when using the product, minimizing the risk of ingestion. Also note that when you visit a playground, your kids' hands can get a bit grimy and dirty; handwashing is best in this case, as hand sanitizer will just move the dirt around.

Do your best to keep the kids' hands clean, but when a virus strikes, do not despair! Ride out the storm and keep the silver lining in mind; each illness gives your kids' immune systems a healthy boost, fighting off the infection.

A Benefit to Parenting Twins––Teamwork

2009-01-05T20:54:00.001-08:00

When you have two newborns to care for, both parents need to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Some fathers may not have planned on being a 'hands-on' type of dad––yet when twins are born, more manpower is needed! By necessity, fathers become proficient in feeding, burping, and changing diapers for their babies. Such tasks are not mundane; feeding and diaper changes are ideal times for parent-child communication and bonding!

Hands-on fathers not only have more fun, but provide a boost to their children's development by providing a different kind of interaction from that experienced with Mom. As an example, Mom may be gentle and nurturing, while Dad is goofy and blows more 'zerberts' on the babies' bellies! The combination of two different styles leads to a more well-rounded experience for your children.

To use a basketball analogy, parents of singleton babies play 2-on-1 defense. Parents of twins play man-to-man defense. Parents of twins and more play zone defense, my personal favorite. The teamwork of parenting twins benefits both the kids and the partnership.

Hosting a Gathering When Your Twins are Small

2008-12-26T13:57:00.001-08:00

Holidays and birthdays are terrific occasions to get together with family and friends. However, when you have young twins, your day-to-day life can be hectic enough; the thought of hosting a get-together can be daunting.

Consider the possibility of making your life easier by hosting the shindig at your home. Think about it: your twins' cribs are already at your home, as well as all your baby supplies, milk, and even a changing table. Having your loved ones come to your home means that you don't have to pack and travel to get to another destination!

Most importantly, your twins will be happier and healthier if they consistently use a routine nap and nighttime sleep schedule––even on holidays and special occasions. It is inevitable that from time to time, life will get in the way of a perfect schedule for your twins, but if you can entertain at your home on a holiday, it will be easier to respect your twins' normal routine.

An easy way to host a gathering is to plan for side dishes and desserts that can be made a couple days ahead of time. Then, on the day of the event, all you need to do is focus on a main dish, and reheat the rest as needed. This plan not only frees up your event day, but also spreads out the cleanup of prep dishes over a few days' time. Better yet, delegate the sides, beverages, and extras to your guests to bring as pot-luck items.

It is not 'cheating' to get a little help from the grocery store, either. Take the hummus dip pictured above––did I actually toss chickpeas, garlic, and lemon juice into my food processor? My secret recipe: open up a package or two of the store-bought variety––it tastes great, and the hostess is happy and relaxed, not overworked and exhausted from adding a food processor to the pile of dirty dishes!

Family get-togethers are about loved ones gathering––keep this as your focus, and you'll be a calm hostess, ready to enjoy her own party!

Knock-Knock Jokes Were Made for Twins

2008-12-19T07:12:00.000-08:00

One day in the not-too-distant future, your infant twins won't require feeding and constant care around the clock. Back in those hazy days when our twins were teeny, I never imagined that one day I'd hear this at our breakfast table:

A: "Knock-Knock."

R: "Who's there?"

A: "Rain."

R: "Rain who?"

A: "Reindeer!!"

Both: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" in that crazy way that only twins sharing a joke can replicate.

Shared twin laughter is among the most beautiful things one could hear.

School Backpack Mayhem!

2008-11-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Our twin boys are in two separate pre-Kindergarten classrooms, and our oldest is in first grade. Our daughter doesn't start preschool until next fall, and thank goodness for that, because Mommy's already drowning in paperwork!

What to do with all the beautiful drawings, paintings, crafts, and more that come home in your kids' backpacks? Families with twins have two [or more!] kids bringing plenty of artwork home; the sheer amount of projects can quickly become overwhelming. How can you preserve those sweet childhood memories without cluttering up your home?

These are the strategies we're using in our house this year to preserve memories [and not feel guilty when we throw away yet another construction paper turkey]:

Taking digital pictures of each child holding their special creation or project
Posting extra-special projects on our rotating, always updated "Wall Of Fame" [a series of clips mounted to a wall in our playroom]
Scanning special artwork. Digital space is much more plentiful than physical space! [More affordable than you may think: when our home printer went kaput last year, my wise husband suggested checking out the combo printer/fax/scanner models. We were pleasantly surprised at the attainable cost, and I was actually happy that our printer had kicked the bucket so we could upgrade!]

Using these methods, you can boost your child's self-esteem by honoring their work, and you won't feel guilty when said work is thrown away.

Families With Kids––Don't Go Completely Wireless!

2008-11-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

A mom in my twins club took an informal poll this week to see how member families save money on their home phone/internet/cell phone bills. She has toddler boy-girl twins, and usually uses her cell phone for day-to-day calls. She was tempted to drop her home land line in order to save money.

I encouraged her to maintain a home 'land' line to have the peace of mind of enhanced-911. With enhanced 911, even if the caller is unable to speak, emergency services will automatically have the address and will be able to send help. Any home with young children should maintain a 'wired' land line telephone for this very reason, because you never know when an emergency may occur, and you never know if you're going to be able to make the lifesaving 911 call yourself.

Most cell phones do have a Global Positioning System on them these days, but land telephone lines are still the most reliable way of establishing the location of an emergency.

Even from a young age, children can be taught the basics of telephone usage. A simple way to teach a preschooler how to dial the telephone in case of emergency is "Green-9-1-1" ['Green' for the green symbol on the "On" button]. Of course, don't leave your phone unattended after the tutorial! You'll want to make it clear to your kids that 911 is only for emergencies.

A Confusion-Free Birthday Celebration for Twins

2008-10-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

If your twins are identical or of the same sex, it is inevitable that friends and family will occasionally be stumped––who is who?

Every week at my identical twin sons' preschool, a friend or teacher mistakes each boy for his twin brother. Such confusion becomes a part of life, a routine, and each twin gets plenty of practice reminding people who they are.

There is one special day each year, however, that twins should not have to repeatedly remind others of who they are––their birthday! We're having a party with friends for this year's celebration, and I wanted to minimize any confusion over each twin's identity. I found a great online store that lets you customize t-shirts [and a multitude of other items] any way you choose. Each boy will be wearing distinctly colored t-shirts at the birthday celebration with their name printed on the front and back, as well as "It's My Birthday!" on the front [added because I figured classmates' parents may not necessarily know who the birthday kid(s) are!].

I am excited to see how the personalized t-shirts work out––the boys are jazzed to wear them!